I need 110+ in TOEFL for MBA! Please correct my essay X(

Hi I’m Satoshi0525, a Japanese who’s studying English.
I’d like you to correct my essay about the topic below, which is from my textbook.
I have to get 110+ in total for MBA in England. But since I’m rubbish at writing an essay (last time I got 20 in the Writing Section), I need your help.
I’m gonna re-take TOEFL on 24th March, and aiming 25+ in the Writing Section this time.
I always appreciate your help :smiley:

Some universities now allow students to remain at home and to study online using a computer rather than requiring them to attend class at the university itself. Which would you prefer? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Although some might believe that university students need to go to school and attend classes; however I personally believe that university should give the students more options of the way of studying such as online classes because they certainly have advantages. Online classes will help students enhance efficiency of study, understand the class subjects more deeply and avoid risks.
To begin with, online courses improve the efficiency of learning. If students can study online using a computer in their room, they do not have to spend time on trains to go to school and bring heavy textbooks to class any more. They now can use the time and stamina for mainly studying. As for me, it takes two hours to go to school, and I am always thinking of it as a waste of time. In short, online classes enable students to spend their time more efficiently and effectively.
In addition, online courses help students understand the subject better because students can play the class video repeatedly on their computer. In a traditional way of class, lectures never come back even when students do not understand them perfectly. By contrast, online classes allow students to repeat the video until they believe they understand all the idea of the class. Thus, online courses help students fully understand the class.
Moreover, online classes help students and teachers avoid risks when disaster strikes. I can clearly remember the day when the major earthquake hit Japan last year. At the time people in my university all got into panic, and therefore I felt that to get a number of people gathered in one place has a fundamental risk of panic. If we install online course system, however, we can minimize the risk because we do not have to get together in school. In short, online classes reduce risks when disaster happens.
In summary, I personally believe that university should start online classes because they certainly have advantages of helping students to enhance efficiency of study, understand the class subjects more deeply and avoid risks. Since the world is changing day by day, universities should not stick in a traditional way of teaching.
(358 words)

TOEFL listening discussions: What is Dr Schmidt researching?

I thought this was your best essay yet. Very good structure, grammar and vocabulary. Very convincing too! I would rate this a 27 out of 30.