I am so confused. What on earth is the advitizing towards children. (Toefl indepentdent writing essay topic)

I would be very pleased if you could correct my essays. Anyway talking about this topic is difficult even in my first language I guess… The topic is the following.

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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Television advertising directed toward young children(aged two to five) should not be allowed.
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The answer is the following.

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I disagree with the idea that an advertizing made for young children should not be allowed. There are two reasons for this idea. First, items that a company advitizes might be helpful to children in many ways. Second, the company sells the more products, the quality of the item would be better and better.

To begin with, it should be allowed to make advertinzing towards children because children can learn a lot of things experiencing the items. For example, children can learn multiplication by playing the items. However, if there are no advertizes about multipulication products, they might have no ways to learn multipulication. In addition, one of my friends who have son aged(of)three years old tell me that he saw the advitizing about products about learning Japanese letters when watching Youtube and he bought them for his son. And surprisingly, his son have already learned all of the letters. It would be really helpful to him and his son. Therefore, I am in the position that it should be allowed to make advitizing towards children.

Next, the more the company sell the products, the better the quality of products advitized is. To do this, it should be allowed to make advertizing towards children. For example, we see advitizing about famous drinks many times such as coca-cola, fanta and so on. As we know they are good drinks and sold so much. In addition I often see the advitizing about foods for children and I hear many positive reviews from my friend who bought products advitized. This is the reason why the company should advertize toward children.

In conclusion, althogh others might say it should not be allowed to make advitizing towards children, I disagree with the idea that the advertizing made for young children should not be allowed. (299 words)

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Review of my own:It was too difficult to come up with the ideas that support my opinion.Furthermore it took about 5 minites even to decide which position I am in,agree or disagree.The reasons I mentioned above are off the top of my head and to be honest I have almost no idea whether advitizing towards children is good or not.
Thank you.

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Hi, please find an amended version of your essay here:

I do not agree with the idea that advertising made for young children should not be allowed. There are two reasons for this idea. First, items that a company advertises could be helpful to children in many ways. Secondly, the better the quality of the item, the more products the company sells.

First of all, it should be allowed to advertise to children because children can learn a lot from the articles. For example, children can learn multiplication tables through play. However, if there is no advertisement for multiplication products, they may not have the opportunity to learn multiplication. One of my friends who has a son aged three told me that he saw advertisements for products to learn Japanese letters on Youtube and bought them for his son. And surprisingly, his son has already learned all the letters. It would be really helpful for him and his son. So I think it should be allowed to advertise to children.

Besides, the more the company sells the products that are recommended, the better the quality of the products. To achieve this, it should be allowed to advertise to children. For example, we always see advertisements for famous drinks like Coca-Cola, Fanta and so on. As we know, these are good drinks and are sold a lot. Besides, I often see the advertisements for children’s food and I hear many positive reviews from my friends who have bought the advertised products. That is the reason why the company should advertise for children.

In conclusion, while others say that advertising to children should not be allowed, I disagree with the idea that advertising to young children should not be allowed. (299 words)

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Nice to see you Torsyen. And thank you so much!

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