human needs are more important than saving lland for endangered animals

[Bjeddi]

Hi, would you please correct this one for me? Thank you so much.

Some people think that human needs for farmland, housing, and industry are more important than saving land for endangered animals. Do you agree or disagree?

In recent years, population explosion has forced humans to destroy natural environment such as forests to create new areas as farmlands for cultivating their necessary crops and to build new houses or factories. However, many people and organizations oppose these actions and say that this would endanger some animal species. As far as I am concerned, I refute these actions. I think that humans must pay more attention to animals and try to preserve their natural habitats instead of destroying them.

First but not foremost, some species of animals are in danger of extinction due to some reasons such as human activities. So, it is very important to take urgent actions to save these endangered animals. On the other hands, humans make this situation worsen by further destroying natural habitats of these animals. Therefore we must not only stop destroying habitats of animals, but we should also try to help these animals.

In addition, some people think that humans are the most important and most powerful creatures on earth, so they do everything to satisfy their needs. But we must pay attention to other creatures such as animals. We should not destroy homes of animals to build homes for ourselves. In other words, just as it is important for us to have a home, animals also need a place to live. We must share equally the earth with them. We must respect them and try to preserve their natural habitats instead of destroying them.

Last but not foremost, all of creatures on earth depend on each other. For example, animals eat plants and humans use animals as food. Then, humans cultivate plants to feed animals and this cycle continues. When we destroy forests, we eliminate two important parts of this cycle: plants and animals. In fact, we not only destroy them, but we also put ourselves at great risk. Can you imagine the earth without any plants or animals but full of houses and factories? How humans can survive in these conditions?

As I have illustrated, I strongly disagree with the statement that human needs for farmland, housing and industry are more important than saving land for endangered animals. Our needs are important, but they are nor more important than those of other species. We must not put them in danger of extinction by our activities.

TOEFL listening lectures: Why does the lecturer mention Leonardo da Vinci?

[Luschen]

Hi Bjeddi, I thought your essay was pretty good. You have addressed the prompt correctly and included some good arguments. Your examples are a little general though - have some more specific and detailed ones would be an improvement I think. Your writing is clear and easy to understand for the most part, but you do have a few odd or awkward sounding phrases and some grammatical errors. Overall, I would rate this a 4 out of 5.

@Bjeddi

Hi, would you please correct this one for me? Thank you so much.

Some people think that human needs for farmland, housing, and industry are more important than saving land for endangered animals. Do you agree or disagree?

In recent years, [the] population explosion has forced humans to destroy natural environment[s ] such as forests to create new areas as farmlands for cultivating their necessary crops and to build new houses or factories. However, many people and organizations oppose these actions and say that this would endanger some animal species. As far as I am concerned, I {I would add “too” here}refute these actions. I think that humans must pay more attention to animals and try to preserve their natural habitats instead of destroying them.

First but not foremost, some species of animals are in danger of extinction due to some{“some” sounds a little odd here} reasons such as human activities. So, it is very important to take urgent actions to save these endangered animals. On the other hands[hand], humans make this situation worsen by further destroying [the] natural habitats of these animals. Therefore we must not only stop destroying habitats of animals, but we should also try to help these animals.

In addition, some people think that humans are the most important and most powerful creatures on earth, so they {using “they” here makes it sound like you are not also a human - is “they” referring to “humans” or “some people”?} do everything to satisfy their needs. But {avoid beginning sentences with “and” or “but” - combine this with the previous sentence} we must pay attention to other creatures such as animals. We should not destroy [the] homes of animals to build homes for ourselves. In other words, just as it is important for us to have a home, animals also need a place to live. We must share equally the earth [equally] with them. We must respect them and try to preserve their natural habitats instead of destroying them.

Last but not foremost,{this “but not foremost” sounds odd and confusing - what is foremost then? your second point?} all of creatures {or “all of the creatures”} on earth depend on each other. For example, animals eat plants and humans use animals as food. Then, humans cultivate plants to feed animals and this cycle continues. When we destroy forests, we eliminate two important parts of this cycle: plants and animals. In fact, we not only destroy them, but we also put ourselves at great risk. Can you imagine the earth without any plants or animals but full of houses and factories? How [can] humans can survive in these conditions?

As I have illustrated, I strongly disagree with the statement that human needs for farmland, housing and industry are more important than saving land for endangered animals. Our needs are important, but they are no[t ] more important than those of other species. We must not put them in danger of extinction by our activities.

TOEFL listening lectures: Why does the lecturer mention Leonardo da Vinci?