How do movies or television influence people’s behavior?

[Nayara]

Please, rate and correct my essay!

Currently, the influence of the media, such as internet and television, on the people’s behaviour have been largely discussed. This issue is so serious that some governments are creating laws to regulate the media power. In fact some governmments But how can television and movies change individual’s conduct? There are many ways, such as communicating biased information and doing advertising of some products.

In the first place,television channels sometimes give news that are biased with the aim of protect the interests of a specific group. In Brazil there is a famous example of this practice. Years ago during the presidential elections, one canditate started as favourite, but the main channel network had interested in electing the other one. Thus, this channel only showed bad news about the oppositing candidate and good news about its preferred one. The people who based their vote only on the news of this channel voted in the candidate who this television channel was supporting. As this channel was the main in Brazil, this candidates became president. Some years later the people could see that he was not a good candidate, since he suffered an impeachment process.

In addition, the media might influence on the consume profile of the people. One product that is advertised on TV means is likely to be more sold than others, even tough its quality might be inferior. There is a classic example of an experiment made by scientists that showed that when people make blind tasting of a drink they chose a different drink than when taste knowing the brand. This shows that the band might influence on people choices.

In conclusion, the media have a big influence in many aspects of the people’s life. Since might be a small influence such influence in the product that the people will buy or bigger onem influencing even in the outcomes of the country’s election.

TOEFL listening discussions: What is Dr Schmidt researching?

[Luschen]

Hi Nayara, another good essay, but I don’t think this one is quite as high quality as some of your others. Your first example is very good, but make sure you tie it explicitly to your thesis. Your writing is pretty clear, but you seemed to have more errors towards the end. Overall, I would rate this a 3.5 out of 5.

@Nayara

Please, rate and correct my essay!

Currently, the influence of the media, such as internet and television, on the people’s {you have not previously mentioned a particular group of people} behaviour ha[s ] been largely discussed. This issue is so serious that some governments are creating laws to regulate the media['s] power. In fact some governmments But how can television and movies change [an] individual’s conduct? {I would add something like “I believe” or “In my opinion” here} There are many ways, such as communicating biased information and doing{“showing” or “broadcasting”} advertising of some products.

In the first place,television channels sometimes give news that are[is] {“news” is actually non-countable singular - isn’t English lovely? }biased with the aim of protect[ing] the interests of a specific group. In Brazil there is a famous example of this practice. Years ago during the presidential elections, one canditate{spelling} started as [the] favourite, but the main channel[television] network had [an interest] interested in electing the other one. Thus, this channel only showed bad news about the oppositing{spelling} candidate and good news about its preferred one. The people who based their vote only on the news of this channel voted in the candidate who this television channel was supporting. As this channel was the main [one] in Brazil, this candidat[e ] became president. Some years later the people could see that he was not a good candidate, since he suffered an impeachment process. {it would be great to have one more concluding sentence tying this example back to the thesis: "Thus, this example clearly shows that media, in this case television, can have an inordinate effect on people’s behavior, and can even change a country’s future.}

In addition, the media might influence on the consum[ption] profile of the people. One product that is advertised on TV means is likely to [have higher sales] be more sold than others, even tough its quality might be inferior. There is a classic example of an experiment made{“done” is better} by scientists that showed that when people make[{“have a blind” or “do a blind”} blind tasting of a drink they chose a different drink than when [they] taste knowing the brand. This shows that the [br]and might influence on people choices. {you “influence something” but you “have an influence on something”}

In conclusion, the media have a big influence in many aspects of the people’s li[ves]. Since [there] might be a small influence[,[ such [as] influenc[ing] in the product that the people will buy[,] or bigger one[, like] influencing even in the outcomes of the country’s election.{this is not a complete sentence}

TOEFL listening discussions: What is Dr Schmidt researching?