[History]IETLS TASK 2

Please give me some comments. Thanks a lot
Many museums and historical sites are mainly visited by tourists, not local people. Why is this the case and what can be done to attract local people.
My essay: It is true that museums and historical relics often attracts foreign visitors in lieu of indigenous people. This phenomenon is ascribed to several reasons and can be addressed by some effective solutions.
To begin with, there are two underlying explanations why these historical relics are more attractive to foreign tourists than local residents. Firstly, it is believed that these local people are accustomed to their countries’ culture and history and perhaps have nothing new to discover by visiting these destinations repeatedly, therefore, it is likely a waste of time for them to visit these places. By contrast, tourists find their interests drawn into historical relics instead of beauty spots or recreational centers when paying a visit to new countries due to the fact that they can have countless opportunities to gain deeper insight into countries’ culture and history. In addition, people usually need to pay a high entrance fee to get inside these spots, which prevents locals from setting foot on historical places. In other words, instead of spending money on visiting these locations, individuals have an extraordinary willingness to pay for recreational activities or traveling to new countries.
Some methods should be taken by governments to tackle this problem. The first solution would be to enhance the aesthetic values together with the historical values of the monuments and museums. This can be done by launching a big advertising campaign on television or the Internet to promote their beautiful landscapes. As a result, this might stimulate local people’s curiosity about the beauty of these spots and cultivate their interests in these locations. Additionally, the government can encourage local residents to come there by holding special events such as festivals or galas. Finally, they should lower the admission fee or offer free tickets to local people on a special day to stimulate their excitement.
In conclusion, there are some reasons why museums and historical sites usually attract foreigners instead of local citizens, and solutions should be produced early to tackle this situation.

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Many museums and historical sites are mainly visited by tourists, not local people. Why is this the case and what can be done to attract local people.

My essay: It is true that museums and historical relics often attract foreign visitors rather than indigenous people. This phenomenon is ascribed to several reasons and can be addressed by some effective solutions.

To begin with, there are two underlying explanations why these historical relics are more attractive to foreign tourists than native residents. Firstly, it is believed that these local people are already accustomed to their own country’s culture and history and perhaps have nothing new to discover by visiting these destinations repeatedly, and therefore, it is likely a waste of time for them. By contrast, tourists find their interests drawn into historical relics instead of beauty spots or recreational centers when paying a visit to new countries due to the fact that they can have countless opportunities to gain deeper insight into the cultures and histories of those countries. In addition, visitors usually need to pay a high entrance fee to get inside these spots, which prevents locals from setting foot on historical places. In other words, instead of spending money on visiting these locations, individuals have an extraordinary penchant to pay for recreational activities or traveling to new countries.

Some steps should be taken by governments to tackle this problem. The first solution would be to enhance the aesthetic values together with the historical values of the monuments and museums. This can be done by launching a wide and repeated advertising campaign on television or the Internet to promote their beautiful landscapes for tourist attraction. As a result, this might stimulate local people’s curiosity about the beauty of these spots and cultivate their interests in these locations. Additionally, the government can encourage local residents to come there to hold special events such as festivals or galas. Finally, they should lower the admission fee or offer concessional or free tickets to local people on a special day to stimulate their excitement.

In conclusion, there are some reasons why museums and historical sites usually attract foreigners instead of local citizens, and solutions should be envisaged early to tackle this situation.

(The essay is really good except for the concluding paragraph. I’m not sure Luschen is around here. He could have given you better tips.)

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Thanks for your comments. It is really helpful to me

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I doubt I could give better advice than you, Anglophile! Plus it is always helpful to get different opinions - I don’t think there is a single “right way” to construct a sentence. One point I did want to make is that “indigenous people” is not really a synonym for “local people”. Indigenous people are the original inhabitants of a country. For instance, in Australia, indigenous people are called Aborigines, while in my country they are Native Americans. Apparently there are many different groups of indigenous people in Vietnam, like the Degar people: Montagnard (Vietnam) - Wikipedia
Vietnam - IWGIA - International Work Group for Indigenous Affairs

One paper said a close Vietnamese translation is: dân tộc thiểu số

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As we know, no two words will mean exactly the same. Still I confirmed it online.

According to Cambridge, indigenous is an adjective meaning naturally existing in a place or country rather than arriving from another place.
Example: So who are the indigenous people of this land?

Usually I do not change, as far as possible, the original words used by the author. Anyhow, as regards the usage of a word, I should consider your view as well, Luschen. Thank you.

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