High schools should allow students to study the courses that students want to stu

Hi all,

Please comment my essay and let me know which is needed to be improved.

Thanks in advance. :slight_smile:

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? High schools should allow students to study the courses that students want to study. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

Nowadays, some high schools may allow students to select classes they would like to study by themselves but some schools usually provide study programs and courses for their students instead of allowing them to choose their own courses. While some people may think that school should permit students to choose or plan their study, I think it is better for students to follow the schools’ curriculum for many reasons.

First, high schools have much more experience in course planning and teaching ability and have a lot of experienced teachers who have taught many generations of students and they have adjusted their courses and make it better for years. It is better for high school students to let schools plan the courses for them because teachers usually know which courses are required for specific career. High school students usually have less experience and don’t have a clear picture about their future life and career. Therefore, students need some directions and guideline before they have enough fundamental knowledge and information which will enable them to choose their own study when they are pursuing higher education. To illustrate, once I was a high school student, I was not sure whether I would like to be a computer engineer or an architect. But after I followed the fundamental programming courses provided my school, I gradually love programming which is the skill required to study engineering and the picture was much clearer that I wanted to be a computer engineer. Therefore, curriculum provided by schools will help students build up their basic information and knowledge which are really beneficial when they have to make a decision about their future career or their higher education.

Second, students may choose irrelevant and unrelated courses or may select not enough courses because they don’t know the overall picture of their study and they may not know which course is required for studying in the specific field. Therefore, letting schools plan the courses for them will enable them to get to know more about the their fields of interests and understand which courses are required to pursuing their desired education. Furthermore, if schools allow students to choose their own courses, students tend to choose only subjects they like and skip classes they don’t like because they don’t know that the skipped classes are relevant. For instance, Jim would like to pursue his higher education in computer engineering. He only thinks that Mathematics and the programming skill are required and he skips Physics because he doesn’t do well. Unfortunately, computer engineering not only teaches programming but also hardware, digital logic, circuit design, etc. which are all required the fundamental knowledge of Physics. So, he loses an opportunity because he skips a required course.

To sum up, letting schools plan the courses for their students is better than letting them select the courses by themselves because schools have experienced teaching resources and teachers who can give their students a right direction and guideline. Furthermore, students will not skip unnecessary courses which will destroy his opportunity in obtaining higher education. At this stage, it is required that schools must plan courses and programs for their students so that students will have enough basic information and knowledge which will be used as a tool to select their own career and education in the future.

TOEFL listening discussions: A conversation between two students at the library

Hi all,

Please comment my essay and let me know which is needed to be improved.

Thanks in advance. :slight_smile:

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? High schools should allow students to study the courses that students want to study. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

Nowadays, some high schools may allow students to select classes they would like to study by themselves(,) but some schools usually provide study programs and courses for their students instead of allowing them to choose their own courses. While some people may think that schoolS should permit students to choose or plan their study, I think it is better for students to follow the schools’ curriculum for many reasons.

First, high schools have much more experience in course planning and teaching ability(,) and THEY have a lot of experienced teachers who have taught many generations of students(.) They have adjusted their courses and make it better for years. It is better for high school students to let schools plan the courses for them(,) because teachers usually know which courses are required for A specific career. High school students usually have less experience and don’t have a clear picture about their future LIVES and career. Therefore, students need some directions and guidelineS before they have enough fundamental knowledge and information which will enable them to choose their own study when they are pursuing higher education. To illustrate, once I was a high school student, I was not sure whether I would like to be a computer engineer or an architect. But a After I followed FOLLOWING the fundamental programming courses provided my school, I gradually loveD programming(,) which is the skill required to study engineering(,) and the picture was much clearer that I wanted to be a computer engineer. Therefore, curriculum provided by schools will help students build up their basic information and knowledge(,) which are really beneficial when they have to make a decision about their future career or their higher education.

Second, students may choose irrelevant and unrelated courses or may select not enough courses(,) because they don’t know the overall picture of their study(,) and they may not know which course is required for studying in the specific field. Therefore, letting schools plan the courses for them will enable them to get to know more about the their fields of interests and understand which courses are required to pursuing their desired education.//REPETITIVE.//
Furthermore, if schools allow students to choose their own courses, students tend to choose only subjects they like and skip classes they don’t like(,) because they don’t know that the skipped classes are relevant. For instance, Jim would like to pursue his higher education in computer engineering. He only thinks that Mathematics and the programming skill are required and SO he skips Physics because he doesn’t do well. Unfortunately, computer engineering not only teaches programming but also hardware, digital logic, circuit design, etc. which are all required the fundamental knowledge of Physics. So, he loses an opportunity because he skips a required course.

To sum up, letting schools plan the courses for their students is better than letting them select the courses by themselves(,) because schools have experienced teaching resources and teachers who can give their students a right direction and guideline. Furthermore, students will not skip unnecessary courses which will destroy his THEIR opportunity in obtaining higher education. At this stage, it is required that schools must plan courses and programs for their students(,) so that students will have enough basic information and knowledge which will be used as a tool to select their own career and education in the future.
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Not bad Bug, but very repetitive. You must learn to be more imaginative and versatile when writing.

Kitos. 7.5/10

Thanks for your comments, Kitos.
I knew that I ran out of ideas when writing this essay :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye: ,but I will improve my writing for the next one.

Anyway, I have a question about a comma. I saw that you added a comma before every conjunction. Do we need to added it before all conjunction?
Does it have any rule on how to use comma?

Thanks again, Kitos