Hi. Would you please correct my essay? Thank you.!

Television advertising directed toward young children (aged two to five) should not be allowed
In this modern world, advertisements have been an integrated part of our daily life. They can be seen everywhere, in the streets, in the buses, subways, and particularly on television. Numerous articles, and an overwhelming number of research studies in the famous journals discuss the effects of these advertisements on different groups of people, such as children. Many of the researchers unanimously agree that showing of TV commercials, which are directed toward young children should not be allowed. I personally, think that it is a wise decision to ban the television advertising directed to children between two to five years old, due to their detrimental effects on different aspects.
First, television advertising for young children can be harmful for their health. Since children are at an impressionable age, they are easily influenced by the advertisements that be shown on TV. For example, Advertisements of candy and junk food tempt children to eat more of these kinds of food. As we know, such kinds of food have a high content of fat and sugar, which causes child obesity. Consequently, child obesity will bring more complications for children in older ages. Thus, television advertising indirectly damages children’s health.
In addition, children may get wrong messages from TV adverting. TV commercials pass on incorrect values to the children. For instance, the advertisements of violent video games on TV, lure children into buying, and playing these games. By these commercials, children tend to do more actions that are violent; therefore, hostile activities will be a normal behavior for them. As a result, the rate of crime will increase in society, in future.
Moreover, TV advertisements interfere with children training in the correct way. Young children do not have a logical understanding of what they see. They think everything shown on TV is correct. This leads to the fact that children do not listen to their parents’ advice anymore. Hence, this affects children’s training. For instance, TV commercials persuade children to argue with their parents about buying unnecessary things. For example, my five-year-old nephew just tries to have the toys he sees on TV by crying. Therefore, this is a burden on my sister to change his son’s wrong behavior.

To sum up, according to the reasons I mentioned above, I adamantly agree with the idea of banning the television advertising directed to young children. Because, TV advertising is not beneficial for their physical health, teaches wrong values, and, also, causes problems for parents in raising their children.

TOEFL listening discussions: How long should the student’s essays be?

Hi Pklumehr, I thought your essay was pretty good. You have an effective structure and have supported your arguments with relevant and persuasive examples. You do have quite a few punctuation and usage errors, including some incorrect prepositions and a few odd sounding phrases. Still, you essay was pretty clear throughout - I would rate it a 4 out of 5.

Hi, Thank you to rate my previous essay this is another one!
Grades encourage students to learn.
Nowadays, numerous articles and an overwhelming number of research studies in the famous journals discuss the efficient ways for students to learn better. Some people think that the current grading system for students in schools should be replaced by another method; however, many researchers unanimously believe that grades play an important role in students’ learning. I, personally think that grades are encouraging for students to learn more.
First, grades can be a very strong incentive for students to study more. When students are aware of the fact that teachers will evaluate their work, and the results will come out, they are encouraged to study harder to be successful in their exams and get a good grade. It is obvious that the more they study, the more they learn about the subject matters. For example, as a student, I always look forward to get the top grade. Because, I know that everybody such as teachers, my friends and classmates, and my parents will appreciate me for getting the highest score among the others. Therefore, grades encourage students to work more diligently; consequently, they learn more.
In addition, grades bring competition among the students. Grades entice students to study more, since they want to be ahead of their classmates. Thus, they increase their effort to study, and to learn more. Moreover, the sense of being competitive teaches students many different skills. For instance, learning about teamwork is a very important part of students’ education. Competition for getting the higher grade encourages students to practice with their friends. Hence, they learn to be sociable and communicative, which is beneficial for their future life. As a result, grades indirectly encourage students to learn social skills!
To put in a nutshell, according to the reasons mentioned above, in my opinion, grades help students learn more efficiently. Grades encourage students to try hard, study more, and learn social skills. All of these cause students to learn better.