Hi there, Please mark my essay and give me some advice. Thank you ^^

[rynana]

Topic: tourism has become one of the fastest growing industries in the world. Million people today are travelling farther and farther throughout the year. Some people argue that the development of tourism has had negative effects on local communities, other think that its influences are positive. write an essay to discuss the effects of tourism on local communities including the reasons.

It is obvious that tourism is one of the leading and developing industries recently. Some people suppose that it leads to adverse consequences for local communities. However, other people appreciate its positive impacts. The objective of this essay is to outline the potential reasons and considerable outcomes of this issue.

Firstly, tourism has negative effects on the local areas. That is because the vast increase of travellers is the main trigger of pollution. Regarding air pollution, there are more and more means of transportation offered to meet the demand of tourists such as cars, motorbikes, tourist buses, so forth, which causes a large amount of exhaust fume. Besides, various kind of wastes, bottles, plastic bags thrown into rivers or grounds results in water pollution and environmental pollution.

In contrast, the development of tourism industry also brings some potential advantages for local communities. Not only does it create job opportunities for local citizens but it also has considerate contributions in the growth in local’s economy. Additionally, tourism is considered as the main factor which introduces the cultural values of local areas to the world. For example, when travellers visit Japan, they will get a deeper understanding of the Japanese lifestyle and culture.

In conclusion, tourism plays a vital role in the regional development. Despite its negative effects, people might not underestimate its positive sides for local communities.

[Luschen]

Hi Rynana, I thought you addressed the prompt well. You understood that this was strictly a “discuss both sides” type prompt and so you were correct not to write about your own opinion. I don’t think your negative reason was that persuasive though. It seems like in most cases, the pollution mainly comes from those who live in the area - people driving to work every day, factories that operate everyday. Tourists may add a little incremental pollution, but they often take public transportation, which is actually better than driving cars. The main drawback I have heard is that the crush of tourists is ruining historic sites and another drawback is they bring in western ways, which destroys the local culture - authentic restaurants and shops are replaced by McDonald’s and cheap souvenir stands. Here are some specific suggestions:

@rynana

It is obvious that tourism is one of the leading and developing {“leading and developing” seem somewhat opposite - maybe “is one of the leading sectors in many countries and continues to grow every year” } industries {try to come up with a synonym - I used “sectors” above} recently. Some people suppose that [this growth in the number of visitors] leads to adverse consequences for local communities. However, other people appreciate [the] positive impacts [of this surge in travelers]. {if you can use synonyms instead of repeating “it”, this will help improve your vocabulary core} The objective of this essay is to outline the potential reasons and considerable outcomes {“considerable outcomes” sounds odd and vague} of this issue.

Firstly, tourism [often] has negative effects on the local areas. That is because the vast increase of travellers is the main trigger of pollution. {this doesn’t really seem feasible to me - let’s see if you can convince me! } Regarding air pollution, there are more and more means of transportation offered to meet the demand of tourists such as cars, motorbikes, tourist buses, [and] so forth, which causes a large amount of exhaust [fumes]. Besides, various kind of wastes, [such as] bottles[ and] plastic bags thrown into rivers or [on the ground,] results in water pollution and environmental pollution.

In contrast, the development of [the] tourism industry also brings some potential advantages for local communities. Not only does it create job opportunities for local citizens but it also [makes] considerate contributions [to] the growth in [the local] economy. {I think you need one more explanation or example sentence here - “To illustrate, a typical tourist may spend a week in my city, paying for a hotel room, meals at area restaurants, and even a few souvenirs from a local market. Thus, the employees of these establishments all depend on visitors for their livelihoods.”} Additionally, tourism is considered as the main factor which introduces the cultural values of local areas to the world. For example, when travellers visit Japan, they will get a deeper understanding of the Japanese lifestyle and culture. {I think you need one more sentence explaining why this is a good thing - “When people throughout the world have gained personal knowledge of other nations through tourism, it fosters peace and cooperation instead of hostility”}

In conclusion, tourism plays a vital role in regional development. Despite its negative effects, people [should take care not to] underestimate its positive sides for local communities.