Hi!Please correct and rate.

You are a journalist. Write an article on the subject of young people’s interest in computer games.

In your article you should:

  • discuss the positive and negative aspects of playing such games.

  • Persuade readers to take a balanced view towards the use of computer games.

    Do you agree with people who believe that computer games are an important and essential part of life? It is a known fact that around the world millions of children slump in front of continuously flashing TV screens for hours on end.

    Some individuals strongly believe that computer games are an utter waste of time, and ruin the minds of innocent young children. They picture a negative image of murdering and violence which brainwashes the children who play these disturbing games.

    Important family time is pushed to the side, homework is never finished on time and this young person becomes antisocial and obese due to lack of exercise because the child spends every spare minute of his/her time on a console.

    ‘‘These totally rubbish computer games have split up our family,’’ revealed Chris, a father of 2 ‘‘While my son is in his bedroom motionlessly playing the latest games on his console, his sister has run off to her friend’s house, not to play innocent kids games, but to sit in front of a flashing screen.’’

    However, on the opposing side people are convinced that all this technology is a vital part of a young person’s life and a fundamental for any skill or job he/she may take on when they grow up.

    These individuals agree that playing computer games challenges your brain and teaches you how to solve problems and other tricks such as learning how to persuade people or negotiate with them. Furthermore, researchers have proved that at school young people learn better using computers…

    In conclusion, it is my belief that children do benefit from using computers, but that their time in front of the screen must be limited. This way they will stay in good health and not become addicted. Parents should also control the games their children play and try to keep them away from games which are crammed with violence and choose ones with more morals or benefit in them…

Any suggestions would be gr8! and if you could please tell me if this gives a balanced view to the reader.

TOEFL listening discussions: A conversation between two students in a chemistry class

Wow, I thought this essay was really excellent. I think you succeeded in giving a balanced viewpoint. I could not really find anything wrong with your grammar or vocabulary. Maybe in your introduction you could say that you will discuss both the drawbacks and advantages of video games - it was unclear exactly what your main point is.

Thanks for the feedback, will keep your suggestion (about the introduction) in mind next time i write!