HI Luschen,please rate and check my essay.thanks

[Gyna_q]

Topic: Do you agree or disagree? A person’s job has more effects on his or her happiness than this person’s social life does.

Several studies and an overwhelming number of articles in the popular press discuss the ways to live a happier life. Psychology experts believe that happiness has multiple causes, but the pivotal one is job satisfaction. In other words, an individual’s life happiness is largely affected by his job, for job constitutes most of one’s time, brings about a social status and financial security.

From the time we are children, throughout adolescence and, then onto adulthood, we live with the idea of having our dreamy job. As children, we imitate our parents’ job during playing with other children. During the college we are required to decide on a major which can lead to our future job. And as we graduate, we are continuously looking for jobs that best fit our interests. Moreover, statistics show that a working person spends an average of two thirds of his life working. Therefore, one’s job definitely has profound effect on his life. In other words, job happiness or dissatisfaction would put its fingerprints in one’s emotional wellbeing.

Another point to keep in mind is that one’s job is closely related with his social respect. In fact, it is the job that determines the expected mutual attitudes between an individual and his society. For example, teachers, doctors and other highly educated individuals hold high values of respect within a society. According to the Occupation Magazine, sixty percent of people who view themselves as happy individuals believe their happiness is mostly linked to their jobs satisfaction and consecutive social respect.

It is hard to ignore the crucial role of money in one’s emotional life. A survey conducted on four hundred employees showed a proportional positive correlation between happiness in life and the amount of salary; that is, the higher the salary, the happier the employee is in his life. Additionally, job can be a great source of happiness in one’s life as it gives the feeling of financial support for one’s future life. According to Senior Magazine, ninety percent of the elderly population with happy lifestyle believe that their retirement salary plays a vital role in their being happy.

All in all, happiness and job are two interrelated terms. Job provides a financial security and a social prestige. Individual’s life is integrated with his entire life.

TOEFL listening discussions: A conversation between a student and a campus patrolman

[Luschen]

Hi, maybe this is a tough subject, or maybe I am so culturally biased that I cannot judge this topic impartially. But your essay, like SabrinaQ’s, does not seem very convincing to me. Your first body paragraph especially seemed to skirt the main subject instead of address it head on. Your other body paragraphs were better, but it still seems odd to me to base your happiness on the job you do. I agree that a certain amount of money is necessary, your basic needs must be met, but I don’t see the rich as being happier than the “average joe” - more money, more problems. But your writing is, as always, very good in this essay, although I was able to make some suggestions.

@Gyna_q

Topic: Do you agree or disagree? A person’s job has more effects on his or her happiness than this person’s social life does.

Several studies and an overwhelming number of articles in the popular press discuss the ways to live a happier life. Psychology experts believe that happiness has multiple causes, but the pivotal one is job satisfaction. In other words, an individual’s life happiness is largely affected by his job, for [a] job constitutes most of one’s time, brings about a [enhanced] social status and [ensures] financial security. {make sure sentences like this are parallel - three nouns or three verbs}

From the time we are children, throughout adolescence and,{no comma} then onto adulthood, we live with the idea of having our dreamy[dream] {“dreamy” is reserved for teenage girls talking about movie stars;) } job. As children, we imitate our parents’ job during [when] playing with other children. During the college {or “during our college years”} we are required to decide on a major[,] which can lead to our future job. And[Then] {avoid beginning sentences with “and” or “but”}as we graduate, we are continuously looking for jobs that best fit our interests. Moreover, statistics show that a working person spends an average of two thirds of his life working. Therefore, one’s job definitely has profound effect on his life. In other words, job happiness or dissatisfaction would put its fingerprints in one’s emotional wellbeing. {this paragraph just does not convince me that having a job greatly affects one’s happiness. You have convinced me that preparing for a job takes a long time and we spend a lot of time working, but what does that have to do with happiness? I spend a lot of time cleaning the house, washing clothes, and washing dishes, but it doesn’t really make me happy}

Another point to keep in mind is that one’s job is closely related with his social respect.{“social respect” is not really a common term, maybe “with the respect he gets from his peers”} In fact, it is the job that determines the expected mutual attitudes between an individual and his society. For example, teachers, doctors and other highly educated individuals hold high values of respect within a society. According to the Occupation Magazine, sixty percent of people who view themselves as happy individuals believe their happiness is mostly linked to their jobs satisfaction and consecutive social respect.
{this is better, but still hard for me to believe that a doctor, lawyer or teacher will always be happier than say a farmer or shopkeeper}
It is hard to ignore the crucial role of money in one’s emotional life. A survey conducted on four hundred employees showed a proportional positive correlation between happiness in life and the amount of salary; that is, the higher the salary, the happier the employee is in his life. Additionally, [a] job can be a great source of happiness in one’s life as it gives the feeling of financial support for one’s future life. According to Senior Magazine, ninety percent of the elderly population with happy lifestyle[s ] believe that their retirement salary plays a vital role in their being happy.

All in all, happiness and job{“career” would be better here} are two interrelated terms. Job provides a financial security and a social prestige. Individual’s life[career] is integrated with his entire life.

TOEFL listening discussions: A conversation between a student and a campus patrolman