Hi Luschen! please evaluate and grade my writing. Thank you.

[Tesoke]

Hi Luschen! please evaluate and grade my writing. Thank you.

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The extended family (grandparents, cousins, aunts, and uncles) is less important now than it was in the past. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

My Essay

People hold diverse opinions about the extended family and some of them think that it is more important now than the past; however, I really disagree with their mentality and I undoubtedly believe that the extended family is less important now than the past. I think that we do not need to our extended family’s guides; moreover, we have different thoughts and it leads to some problems and people prefer to live solely and see their family members during vacancies.

First of all, in past, there was not difference between generations and the extended family could help younger generations. Nowadays, I believe that grandparents and others cannot guide us very much and they also cannot help us to solve our problems, because we and our grandparents have different generations and different problems and their experiences do not provide benefit to us. We use from expert consoler in all problems and nobody use from his grandparents’ guides.

Furthermore, every person in the extended family has his own thoughts and they cannot think about different challenges similarly; consequently, these different mentalities can lead to new problems. For example, my grandfather thinks that I should not kiss my girlfriend openly and he hates this deed but I do not. Diverse political and social viewpoints lead family members to discuss every topic and I believe that they cannot help each other and change other’s mentality and they only bother each other.

Apart from different thoughts and different problems, in past, I believe that people were preferring the extended family because they were missing each other, but now, I think people live in different countries and cities and they relate their extended family members by the Internet. They also come back to their extended family members during vacancies by fast transportation devices; so, they prefer to see each other some days and live solely most of their time to prevent the mentioned problems and challenges.

In conclusion, I earnestly emphasize that the extended family is not so important today, although there is still a great deal of heated debate about this topic.

TOEFL listening discussions: Two seminar classmates discussing their classwork

[Luschen]

Hi Tesoke, I thought your essay was pretty good. I think your reasons are convincing and you have presented them pretty well. You do have a lot of odd sounding and awkward phrases though, as well as some incorrect word choices and some other errors. Overall, I would rate this a 4 out of 5.

@Tesoke

Hi Luschen! please evaluate and grade my writing. Thank you.

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The extended family (grandparents, cousins, aunts, and uncles) is less important now than it was in the past. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

My Essay

People hold diverse opinions about the extended family and [with] some of them think[ing] {it was ok, but this sounds better} that it is more important now than the past; however, I really disagree with their mentality and I undoubtedly believe that the extended family is less important now than the past. I think that we do not need to our extended family’s guid[ance]; moreover, we have different thoughts and it leads to some problems and people prefer to live solely and see their family members during vacancies.{do you mean “vacations”? This whole sentence sounds a little awkward}

First of all, in [the] past, there was n[o ] difference between generations and the extended family could help younger generations. Nowadays, I believe that grandparents and others cannot guide us very much and they also cannot help us to solve our problems, because we and our grandparents have [are of] different generations and [have] different problems and their experiences do not provide benefit to us. We use [take advice] from expert consoler[counselors] in all problems and nobody use[s ] from his grandparents’ guid[ance].

Furthermore, every person in the extended family has his own thoughts and they cannot think about different challenges similarly; consequently, these different mentalities can lead to new problems. For example, my grandfather thinks that I should not kiss my girlfriend openly and he hates this deed but I do not.{“deed” sounds a little unnatural here} Diverse political and social viewpoints lead family members to discuss every topic and I believe that they cannot help each other and change [each] other’s mentality[, thus] and {too many "and"s} they only bother each other.

Apart from different thoughts and different problems, in [the] past, I believe that people were preferring [preferred] the extended family because they were missing each other, but now, I think people live in different countries and cities and they relate{“relate” sounds a little odd here - I would say communicate with} [to] their extended family members by the Internet. They also come back to their extended family members during vacancies[vacations] by fast transportation devices;{“fast transportation devices” sounds odd - maybe “fast modes of transportation”} so, they prefer to see each other some days and live solely[alone] most of their time to prevent the mentioned problems and challenges.

In conclusion, I earnestly emphasize that the extended family is not so important today, although there is still a great deal of heated debate about this topic.

TOEFL listening discussions: Two seminar classmates discussing their classwork

[Tesoke]

Thank you buddy.