Hi Luschen, I appreciate your feedback on my esaay for task 2 of IELTS. ALL THE BEST!

ielts

#1

(subject: We are becoming increasingly dependent on computers. They are used in business, hospitals, crime detection and even to fly planes. What things will they be used in the future? Is this dependence on computers a good thing or should we be more suspicious of their benefits?)

Since the invention of commuters in 1970’s, they have become more and more useful and playing a larger and larger role in our lives. Specifically, without help of computers, it was impossible to attain the progresses that human has made in science and technology. However, becoming overdepedent to computers can reduce the quality of life for several reasons.

Most importantly, being overrelied on computers as workforce in businesses can lead to unemployment and reducing the job opportunities, which is the case in some businesses in Us nowadays. Today, data scientists are working hard to train computers to work as flexible as human and replace them as a more reliable and cheaper workforce options, comparing to human. For example, nowadays, it is quite common to talk to a computer as a company’s customer service operator, which is trying to find and solve our problem over the phone.
This replacement of human with computers in businesses not only eliminate many job opportunities and reduce the bargaining power of human workforce and therefore leads to lower wages for the remaining job opportunities, but also reduces the human interactions and communication among coworkers and among workers and customers, which definitely reduces the quality of life and can be scary to some extent.
Therefore, to benefit from advantages the of computers a, while to not become overdependent on them, the governments in developed countries should be very careful to legislate appropriate laws that limit the implication of computers to only those areas in our lives that human being is unable to work.


#2

Hi Armann, your writing is not too bad here, but overall your essay did not seem very well organized. More importantly, you did not really address the prompt correctly. I think this is actually the root cause of the disorganization. The prompt first asks what things will be done by computers in the future. This is where you should have begun with a paragraph describing those jobs that may be taken over by computers in the future. Try to be specific here - Torsten and I have actually been discussing this very topic. We think that quite soon, trucks will be driven by computers rather than human drivers, and radiologists are also “on the chopping block”, since a computer is much better at reading an x-ray or MRI scan. Then in the second paragraph you can discuss whether this is good or bad. Personally, I am a little torn, because if a computer can drive a truck better than a human, why not let the human do something more enjoyable like doing art or even laying on the beach. The problem isn’t computers really, it is making sure the money earned by computers is distributed to those whose jobs have been replaced. Unfortunately, in capitalism, the money goes to the people who own the computers. But this is a problem with capitalism, not really a problem with computers. Anyway, I sort of got sidetracked there! In short, because you didn’t really follow the structure implied by the prompt, your essay seemed to jump around a little and seemed unfocused. Here are some additional suggestions: