hi Luschen I am preparing for IELTS exam. Could you correct and rate my essay?

English as a Second Language Preparation for and help with the TOEFL® Test and
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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents or other adult relatives should make important decisions for their (15 to 18 years old ) teenage children.Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion

      It seems to me that the ages of 15 to 18 are the most critical ages for children to develop their characters or to be developed by other factors like their parents,relatives or friends.I believe that parents or other relatives should pay attention to how teenagers live,what they do,give them support about choosing job and make crucial decisions that could affect their lives in a positive way.
      First of all,as they may have friends who are addicted to smoking,alcohol or drugs,the area where teenage children hang out should be closely observed.Statistics show that the risk of their having these detrimental habits mostly occur in these ages.It is the family's duty to prevent this from happening.They should take radical preventions like taking the teenager away from this area and putting a stop to their interactions with friends that have these habits.
       Secondly,between these ages,children start to think about what they will do and their career in the future.For instance,in our country,if students have analytical skills and an ability to solve problems,teaching them maths and science is more appropriate than educating them with social contented lessons.I tend to think that parents should make these decisions as they usually know their children's abilities and tendencies.
        To sum up, I believe that having a good career and adopting positive and negative habits are the results of the decisions made in these ages.Therefore, parents or other older relatives should play a vital role in making these decisions

TOEFL listening discussions: What started this conversation?

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Hi, I think your writing is quite good. You have very few grammatical errors, although your vocabulary is a bit basic. You have a good organization, but your explanations could be a little more convincing. There doesn’t seem to be much development in your body paragraphs. Still, your writing sounds quite natural and you only have a couple unclear phrases, overall, I would rate this a band 7.