Hi Luschen, could you please help me check this writing task 1 in ielts

[Huganegi]

Hi, could you help me check and grade this task in IELTS. Thank you very much!

The graph compares the rates of smoling in men and women in Someland in the period between 1960 and 2000. It is apparent that the rates of smoking of both men and women decreased over the period shown.

In 1960, the rate of smoking in men was 600 per 1000 people.The figure for women stood at around one sixth of that amount. In 1975, the number of female smokers reached a peak at well over 300.Then the rates of smoking in men and women declined steadily for three consecutive years from 1975 and 1990.

Over the period between 1990 and 2000, the number of both male and female smokers were in downward trend. In the year 2000, the rates of smoking in men and women were approximately 250 and 200 respectively.
It is noticable that the rate of smoking in men dropped through gradually the whole period but was always at higher level than the female figures.

TOEFL listening discussions: What problem does the student have?

[Luschen]

Hi, your writing is very clear and natural with only a few minor errors. But you got a couple of important details wrong - try to be a little more careful when looking at the data. I would rate this a band 6.

@Huganegi

Hi, could you help me check and grade this task in IELTS. Thank you very much!

The graph compares the rates of smo[king] in{“of” is better} men and women in Someland in the period between 1960 and 2000. It is apparent that the rates of smoking of both men and women decreased over the period shown. {not to me - women started off at 100 and ended at 200, a 100% increase!}

In 1960, the rate of smoking in men was 600 per 1000 people.The figure for women stood at around one sixth of that amount. In 1975, the number of female smokers reached a peak at well over 300.Then the rates of smoking in[for both] men and women declined steadily for three[twenty-five] consecutive years from 1975 [to] and 1990.

Over the period between 1990 and 2000, the number of both male and female smokers [increase its downward trend, with both rates falling sharply] were in downward trend. In the year 2000, the rates of smoking in men and women were approximately 250 and 200 respectively.
It is noticable that the rate of smoking in men dropped[,] through gradually[,] the whole period but was always at [a] higher level than the female figures.

TOEFL listening discussions: What problem does the student have?