Hi Luschen, could you please, evaluate my essay.

[Lilly1234]

A company has announced that it wishes to build a large factory near your community. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this influence on your community. Do you support or oppose the factory?

Having large factories is very good for the economy of the state. This establishment helps to decrease unemployment level of population, to increase the level of GDP in a country and to booster the infrastructure nearby. Although I mentioned the advantages of factory above, I don’t support this idea to have a large factory near my community.

First of all, I am living in the community where large hospital for mental patients is situated in my neighborhood. It is not good idea to have both factory and hospital close to each other. Because the factory would damage the environmental security of the community even it benefits from the latest developments of ecological friendly technology. In addition, the factory has potential to make sounds that would be very disturbing for the health of the patients.

Secondly, in my community there is only one spare place where the inhabitants have applied to the local authority to build the playground for children in the coming years. In my opinion, it is more useful for the development of children than having factory close to my community. I would like to suggest that the large factories that we have already in the cities of my country are transferred to the peripheral parts of city and are built there also. If we compare the playground for children and factory, and which one is beneficial for the inhabitants of our community, might be we can come to the decision that both of them are important. But if it is possible to build the factory outside of the town, why not to do that considering the fact that it will not be possible with playground for children. Furthermore, every day we suffer from the traffic jam in my community. It is obvious that if we would have factory near my community, we would spend additional hours in traffic jam.

In summary, I think that it is good idea to have more factories in my country, but it would be very smart decision to build all factories in the outside of the cities.

TOEFL listening discussions: What is the purpose of this conversation?

[Luschen]

Hi Lilly, I think you have done a great job with this essay. You addressed the prompt well and have included some good reasons. The logic of your first paragraph is not that clear to me though, and your third body paragraph is a little short. Your writing is clear, but you have some errors in article use as well as some word choices that could be improved. Overall, I would rate this a 3.5 out of 5.

@Lilly1234

A company has announced that it wishes to build a large factory near your community. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this influence on your community. Do you support or oppose the factory?

Having large factories is very good for the economy of the state. Th[eir] establishment helps to decrease unemployment level of [the] population, to increase the level of GDP in a country and to booster[bolster] the infrastructure nearby. Although I mentioned the advantages of factory above, I don’t support this idea to have a large factory near my community. {this is a great idea, but I think your execution could be better - maybe “Although these advantages may seem persuasive, the many disadvantages incline/sway/cause me to withhold my support for the idea of building a large factory near my community.”}

First of all, I am living in the community where [a] large hospital for mental patients is situated in my neighborhood. It is not [a] good idea to have both [a] factory and hospital close to each other. {comma} Because the factory would damage the environmental security of the community even it benefits from the latest developments of ecological friendly technology. {this logic is a little confusing - what does a hospital for mental patients have to do with protecting the environment - make the connection more clear} In addition, the factory has [the] potential to make sounds{“noise” is better} that would be very disturbing for the health of the patients. {this part is much more clear}

Secondly, in my community there is only one spare{“available” is better} place where the inhabitants have applied to the local authorit[ies] to build the playground for children in the coming years. In my opinion, it[this lot] is more useful for the development of children than having factory close to my community. I would like to suggest that the large factories that we have already in the cities of my country are [being] transferred to the peripheral parts of [the] city and are built there [in the outskirts] also. If we compare the playground for children and[with the] factory, and[examining] which one is [most] beneficial for the inhabitants of our community, might be we can [we might] {to use “might we”, it would have to be something like “… community, might we discover that a playground is far superior?” } come to the decision that both of them are important. But {avoid beginning sentences with “and” or “but” - here you can say “Still,”} if it is possible to build the factory outside of the town, why not to do that[,] considering the fact that [option] it will not be possible [for the children’s’ playground?] with playground for children. Furthermore, every day we suffer from the traffic jam[s ] in my community. It is obvious that if we would have [a] factory near my community, we would spend additional hours in traffic jam[s ]. {this paragraph is pretty undeveloped.}

In summary, I think that it is [a] good idea to have more factories in my country, but it would be [a] very smart decision to build all factories in the outside of the cities.

TOEFL listening discussions: What is the purpose of this conversation?