Hello, Luschen. This is my first essay delivered to your forum

[Mathew179]

Hi, Luschen, I’m first here, this forum is really great place and i think i will get a better grade with your help. This is my toefl essay.

Topic:Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? All high school students should take a course in basic economics.

The development of the society takes starvation and cold from us and brings a variety of method to relax. Everyone have deposit, even a little child. At the same time, an important problem emerged whether we should let high school students take a course of basic economics. As far as I am concerned, I firmly believe that this course is necessary.

The concept of economics is very essential for their future development. Everyone has to leave his parents when he grows up and he must learn how to deal with money after that. Or in other words, to get the idea how to deal with money is indispensable. Taking me for example, before I go to university, I live with my parents that I don’t need to care about my money would running out because my parents would afford the things I wanted. However, we I go to university, I must make a plan to cope with my tuition and fee of eating result from limited living expenses. Because of I don’t have received any economics course before; I spend all of my money at the first month in the university. But if I could get this course in my high school, I could try to avoid this poor situation.

Teaching students how to manage money could help them avoid some problems in life. Parents, nowadays, even grandparents, always give their kids money without any think just because kids said they needed, especially in China where almost every family has only one kid due to the policy made by the Nation. In this situation, to teach students how to manage is second to none. Otherwise, students may abandon themselves into net bar or drugs due to lack of a proper thinking of economics. Even worse, if they have a large amount of money and cannot get a favorable advice, they may just indulge into gambling. Consequently, we should put to teach them some economic concept to the priority.

All in all, as a university student, I know the importance of the economics deeply. We’d better told our offspring those kind of knowledge as early as possible so that to provide a greater future for them.

TOEFL listening lectures: A lecture from a marine biology class

[Luschen]

Hi Matthew, welcome to the forum, though this is not “my forum” - Torsten would get mad at me! But really, anyone is allowed to give comments and suggestions. As far ar your essay is concerned, I think you have given a pretty good effort. Your structure is good, but your introduction does not lead smoothly to your thesis. You have some good reasons, but a few more details in some of your examples would be helpful. I don’t think your writing quality was as good as your content though. Most of your sentences are clear, but you had a lot of mistakes in verb tense, some incorrect word choices, and a lot of miscellaneous grammatical errors. Overall, I would rate this a 3.5 out of 5.

@Mathew179

Hi, Luschen, I’m first here, this forum is really great place and i think i will get a better grade with your help. This is my toefl essay.

Topic:Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? All high school students should take a course in basic economics.

The development of the society takes [has taken] starvation and cold from us and brings a variety of method[s ] to relax. {this sounds odd - starvation and relaxation don’t seem to belong together and “taking away cold” sounds odd - maybe “The development of society has made starvation and suffering from the elements things of the past, allowing modern people to live more safely and comfortably”} Everyone have deposit,{this is unclear - what do you mean?} even a little child. At the same time, an important problem [has] emerged[, namely] whether we should let [require] {this is a pretty big difference} high school students [to] take a course of basic economics. {this sentence does not really flow well from the previous ones} As far as I am concerned, I firmly believe that this course is necessary.

The concept of economics is very essential for their[students’] {try not to use pronouns like this in the topic sentence} future development. Everyone has to leave his parents when he grows up and he must learn how to deal with money after that. Or {avoid beginning sentences with conjunctions} [ I]n other words, to get the idea [of] how to deal with money is indispensable. Taking me for example, before I go [went] to university, I live[d ] with my parents that I don’t[so I did not] need to care about my money would running out because my parents would afford {“could afford the” or “would buy me the”} the things I wanted. However, we[when] I go[went] to university, I must [had to] make a plan to cope with my tuition and fee of eating {“cafeteria fee” or “food costs”} result[ing] from [my limited [budget] living expenses.{“limited expenses” means you did not have many expenses} Because of I don’t have [had not] received any economics course before; I spen[t ] all of my money [for the whole year/semester during my] at the first month in the university. But if I could get [have gotten] this course in my high school, I could try to avoid this poor situation. {“I would have been able to” seems more strong}

Teaching students how to manage money could help them avoid some problems [later] in life. Parents, {no comma here} nowadays, even grandparents, always give their kids money without any think[thought] just because kids said they needed[say the need it], especially in China where almost every family has only one kid{“child” is a bit more formal and better here, since it is referred to as the “one child policy”} due to the policy made by the [ n]ation. In this situation, to teach students how to manage [their finances] is second to none. Otherwise, students may abandon themselves into net bar[s ] or drugs due to lack of a proper thinking of economics.{this seems pretty far-fetched - a knowledge of economics and help you avoid getting addicted to drugs? If you make a assertion like this you need a little more evidence} Even worse, if they have a large amount of money and cannot get a favorable advice, they may just indulge into [in] gambling. Consequently, we should put to teach them some economic concept to [give them a correct sense of ]the priorit[ies].

All in all, as a university student, I know the importance of the economics deeply. We’d {avoid contractions} better told[tell] our offspring those[that] kind of knowledge as early as possible so that[as] to provide a greater {“better” seems better } future for them.

TOEFL listening lectures: A lecture from a marine biology class

[Mathew179]

Oh~I hope Torsten didn’t see it! Aha. Thx for your help and I see a lot errors of mine.