Hello, could you correct and rate my new essay, thanks in advance

It is better for students to gain real-world experience than to spend their time in a classroom.

My opinion is that students should gain a lot of real-world experience during their study time. I believe that because the theory, which you learn in the classroom, just explain you the way how things works, but it does not show you the way how to use this knowledge in reality.

First of all, the theory is just on the paper. For the real world you need to be able to connect the theory with the practical work. This is the reason, why it is so important, that students get a lot of real experience. In that way it is possible for them to use their knowledge from the theory part and try it one to one in the real world. As an example, a car mechanic learns in the theory how a machine works and what the definition of the different parts in the machine are. But he does not really learn how to built it up. He needs to learn that in a garage where he can take it apart, have the parts in his fingers, and built it in the end up again. Another reason is that he needs to know how to repair the machine. The most time when a machine is broken it makes a unusual sound. A good mechanic with a lot of experience will know just from the sound what the malfunction in the machine is.

In addition, if students have to stay the whole time in the classroom, their concentration will get lost. Even as a young student it is not easy to follow the whole time the lecture from the teacher, specially when you do that for several months. Sometimes it is better to make a break. In this break time you can attend a practice in a company. In that way the time is not lost and you even learn more. As an example, they learn a lot about different kinds of laws in a police school. This theory can be quite boring. But when you do a practical work on a police station, you will connect this boring theory with the real work and soon you understand how important it is, that you know the theory exactly. Otherwise a good lawyer will get his client easy free just because you used the law in a wrong way.

To sum up, students should get a lot of real-world experience during their study time because in that way they are able to connect theory and real work, know how to use the theory in the real work, and get experience that you can not learn just from reading books.

TOEFL listening lectures: What does DNA analysis reveal about the domestication of horses?

Hi, your writing is not too bad. I think you have a good structure and have addressed the prompt correctly. You have some good examples that pertain well to your thesis. You do have some grammatical errors though and several sentences that are unclear or sound somewhat awkward. Overall, I would rate this a 3.5 out of 5.

Hi Luschen, thanks a lot for your corrections.