GRE essay: To evaluate an individual's greatness

As a tyro to english-test, I appreciate any advice concerning to revise my paper. I am insatiable for your opinions, and promise to feed back. Online waiting for judgment!Here is my essay:
241. “An individual’s greatness cannot be judged objectively by his or her contemporaries; the most objective evaluators of a person’s greatness are people who belong to a later time.”
How could we evaluate one person’s greatness thoroughly and objectively? By his or her contemporaries, as some may argue? Or those who live after the person? I fundamentally agree with the speaker that the most objective gauge lies in the hand of later generation when technology undoubtedly excels the time of the antecedent. Contemporaries’ judgment, however, should not be ignored.

First of all, any individual is fettered in a special time background-like a frog trapped under a well-whose eyesight, due to the surrounded situation, becomes shackled. As a result, the contemporaries fail to see the whole picture, and thus making prejudice judgments. One need look no further than Barbara McClintock-an octogenarian Noble laureate. Her discovery on the genetic material was once recognized as heterodox scientific theories, ignored and criticized in the first place. She is a lucky one; at least she has lived to savor the triumph. Others, however, are not so lucky. Bruno was burned to death despite his heliocentric theory was later proved to be maxim. Someone would argue what if we sent Bruno a telescope to prove to his contemporaries that the earth, in effect, goes around the sun; such tragedy nevertheless would have been avoided. As a matter of fact, due to the low-developed technology and ideology, even given the observatory, it would not serve to change his fate; the telescope on the other hand would have been treated as the tool of Satan by coeval society. History repeatedly shed light upon us that only later generation could make an evenhanded judgment.

On the other hand, truism only and can only be revealed after bearing the test of time. Science’s accumulation of lasting truths about the world is by no means a straightforward manner. On this account, it might be too hasty to approbate. Scientific ideas often correct old ones by indicating errors and imprecision, as say, Newton’s ideas did to Kepler’s. President Obama, yet, has promoted the public health reform, which has kindled a hot debate among the populace. As the exclusion of some patients with pre-existing situations, parents are decrying the new reform for depriving them of health care cover. Meanwhile the government, as well as the insurance company could easily rule out Medicare Fraud, improving its efficiency ultimately. Nevertheless, only time will tell whether or not the new reform is fruitful.

In addition, comment and critic from the contemporaries nonetheless serve as a mirror for us to get a bird view. Hearsays, embroidered with details, live on years, neither denied nor confirmed, until one day they get widely accepted as fact. Accordingly, we could be possibly stereotyped by the gossip to which someone falls prey. Consider, the notorious Chinese Empress Dowager of the Qing Dynasty, who was said to attend to state affairs for several decades. In spite of her arrant title of regent, her contribution to the sustenance of Qing Dynasty as well as the introduction of western technology is ineffaceable by referring to contemporary historian comments. Furthermore, contemporary comment and critic, to some extent, provide different angles to delve into individual behaviors. Come back to President Obama, current critics of his health care reform reveal nothing but deeper analysis of its potential effects; the masses therefore could think through expertise’s perspectives and thus attain comprehensive understanding.

In final analysis, to evaluate an individual’s greatness, people of a later time nonetheless could make a more complete and objective judgment. Moreover, contemporary comment and critic also play an auxiliary role in helping us to the see the whole picture from assorted viewpoints.

As a tyro to english-test, I appreciate any advice concerning to revise my paper. I am insatiable for your opinions, and promise to feed back. On-line waiting for judgEment! Here is my essay:

  1. “An individual’s greatness cannot be judged objectively by his or her contemporaries; the most objective evaluators of a person’s greatness are people who belong to a later time.”
    How could we evaluate one person’s greatness thoroughly and objectively? By his or her contemporaries, as some may argue(,) or BY those who live after the person?
    I fundamentally agree with the speaker that the most objective gauge lies in the handS of THE later generation(,) when technology undoubtedly excels the time of the antecedent. Contemporaries’ judgEment however, should not be COMPLETELY ignored.

First of all, any individual is fettered in a special time background(,) VERY like a frog trapped under a well(,) whose eyesight, due to the surrounded situation, becomes shackled. As a result, the contemporaries fail to see the whole picture, and thus makE /prejudiceD/PREJUDICIAL/ judgments. One need look no further than Barbara McClintock-an octogenarian Noble laureate. Her discovery on the genetic material was once recognized as A heterodox scientific theorY, ignored and criticized in the /first place/BEGINNING. She is THE lucky one; at least she has lived to savoUr the triumph. Others, however, HAVE NOT BEEN so lucky. Bruno was burned to death despite his heliocentric theory WHICH was later proveN to be A maxim.

Someone would argue what if we HAD sent Bruno a telescope to prove to his contemporaries that the earth, in effect, goes around the sun; such tragedy nevertheless would have been avoided. As a matter of fact, due to the low-developed technology and ideology, even given the observatory, it would not HAVE serveD to change his fate; the telescope on the other hand would have been treated as the tool of Satan by coeval society. History repeatedly shed light upon us that only later generationS could make an even-handed judgment.

On the other hand, truism only and can only be revealed after bearing the test of time. Science’s accumulation of lasting truths about the world is by no means a straightforward manner. On this account, it might be too hasty to approbate. Scientific ideas often correct oldER ones by indicating errors and imprecision, as say, Newton’s ideas did to Kepler’s. President Obama, yet, has promoted the public health reform, which has kindled a hot debate among the populace. As the exclusion of some patients with pre-existing situations, parents are decrying the new reform for depriving them of health care cover. Meanwhile the government, as well as the insurance companIES could easily rule out Medicare Fraud, improving its efficiency ultimately. Nevertheless, only time will tell whether or not the new reform is fruitful.

In addition, comment and critic from the contemporaries nonetheless serve as a mirror for us to get a birdS-EYE view. Hearsays, embroidered with details, live on FOR years, neither denied nor confirmed, until one day they get widely accepted as fact. Accordingly, we could be possibly stereotyped by the gossip to which someone falls prey. Consider, the notorious Chinese Empress Dowager of the Qing Dynasty, who was said to attend to state affairs for several decades. In spite of her arrant title of regent, her contribution to the sustenance of Qing Dynasty as well as the introduction of western technology is ineffaceable by referring to contemporary historian comments. Furthermore, contemporary comment and critic, to some extent, provide different angles to delve into individual behaviors.

ComING back to President Obama, current critics of his health care reform reveal nothing but deeper analysis of its potential effects; the masses therefore could think through expertise’s perspectives and thus attain comprehensive understanding.

In final analysis, to evaluate an individual’s greatness, people of a later time nonetheless could make a more complete and objective judgEment. Moreover, contemporary comment and critic also play an auxiliary role in helping us to the see the whole picture from assorted viewpoints.
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A very good summation Ink_Ink.

Hello Kitosdad,
Your correction is super!
Slava

Hello Slava. I regret that you do not make a more regular appearance on the threads, but I appreciate that you are forever busy keeping this “show on the road.”
We so easily forget those who work behind the scenes. Without you and your team we would not be the most popular English site on the 'Net. A million thanks Slava.

Hello Bill, that was my reward for your great work. You are doing a unique essay corrections in the web.
I didn’t yet see the same service. Our users are very happy with your help. They can get a good TOEFL, GRE and TOEIC score.
Many thanks
Slava

I didn’t expect anyone to make any correction.
You ROCK! Sir!
Cannot thank you more!
Really appreciate your help!
Btw, may I have your email, if possible.

Another question: I donot know if chinese historical examples could be applied into my essay since most of westerners are not so familar with them.
Plus, do you think my essay is well organized and possesses a good logic?

Good afternoon Ink_Ink. Yours is my first attempt to edit a more advanced form of essay.
I thank you for your favourable comments toward my suggested improvements.
In regard to your questions … I think you logic is very sound, in fact, far better than I could have written.
Was it well organised? Personally, I think you did a splendid job of the whole thing. It was concise, and really clear to this reader.
Thank you for posting it here on the Forum, and I hope to have the pleasure of reading more of your work.

Kitos.