GRE argument writing, please correct it, thankyou

The following recommendation was made by the president and administrative staff of Grove College, a private institution, to the college’s governing committee.

We recommend that Grove College preserve its century-old tradition of all-female education rather than admit men into its programs. It is true that a majority of faculty members voted in favor of coeducation, arguing that it would encourage more students to apply to Grove. But 80 percent of the students responding to a survey conducted by the student government wanted the school to remain all female, and over half of the alumnae who answered a separate survey also opposed coeducation. Keeping the college all female will improve morale among students and convince alumnae to keep supporting the college financially."

Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.

While it may be true that the Grove College should preserve the old tradition of all-female, the author provides the evidence that 1) the survey of the student government and alumnae respond 2)preserve the tradition will improve morale and attract more supporting. At first glance, the author’s argument appears to be somehow appealing, while a close examination will reveal how groundless it is. The argument is problematic for the following reasons.

In the first place, citing surveys, the author reports that 80 percent of the students prefer the school to remain all female. It is not clear, however, the scope and validity of the survey. For example, one must consider how broad the survey was. If the survey was limited to a little group of certain people, the result might be attributable to those particular individuals. The sample may not have been representative all of the students, asking only those prefer all female, while whose answers are meet to the student government. The survey may have been 10 pages long, with 2 questions dedicated to prefer preserving the tradition. Or perhaps, this intention is just the school’s thought because they do not want to change the mode of teaching which they have been used

Even if the survey conducted by the student of the student government is effectively, does it really can improve morale among students? People who in the school it’s the time to learn how to cooperate with the male because when you graduate from the school, the society is not all-female environment anymore, which will make them bewilder, not knowing how to get along with male which lead to not behave well in the future. If the school adopts the coeducation, there will be a competence between the male and the female, which will benefit for their long-term development…

From the other aspect, the survey to the alumnae is also ridiculous. The arguer points out over half of alumnae opposed coeducation and keep the tradition will convince the alumnae keeping supporting the school. We still do not know the effectively of the survey. There’s no guarantee that these alumnae do the survey all denote money to the school. Or just denote a little proportion of the denotation each year, which means alumnae who hold the opposite opinion to support coeducation donate the main money to the school each year. However, it is unfair to say keep the tradition will convince the alumnae keep donating the money to school. Donating should be considered by many aspects, not just for the tradition, the academic ability should be put in the first point. Without considering such potential academic benefits, the author cannot reasonably conclude the outcome. Unless the survey is fully representative, valid, and reliable, it cannot be used to effectively back the author’s argument.

To sum up, the arguer mentioned above is not based on valid evidence or sound reasoning, neither of which is dispensable for a conclusive argument. In order to draw a better conclusion, the arguer should reason more convincingly, cite some evidence that is more persuasive and take every possible consideration in to account.