Hello everyone, nice to meet you. I’m a graduate student from Taiwan, and I’m preparing my GRE test recently. I will be so grateful if you’re willing to spend some time reading my essay and give me some feedback, and help me score it if possible. Thank you in advance!
The following is part of a memorandum from the president of Humana University.
“Last year the number of students who enrolled in online degree programs offered by nearby Omni University increased by 50 percent. During the same year, Omni showed a significant decrease from prior years in expenditures for dormitory and classroom space, most likely because online instruction takes place via the Internet. In contrast, over the past three years, enrollment at Humana University has failed to grow and the cost of maintaining buildings has increased. Thus, to increase enrollment and solve the problem of budget deficits at Humana University, we should initiate and actively promote online degree programs like those at Omni.”
Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted.
[My article]
The memorandum from the president of Humana University (HU) maintains that through initiating and promoting online degree programs like those at Omni University (OU), HU can not only increase enrollment, but solve the problem of budget deficits. The assertion seems to be valid at the first glance; nevertheless, due to some dubious evidences and presumptions, I can’t totally agree with it before more convincing facts are given.
To start with, the president assumes that the percentage of students at HU would increase similarly as OU after online instructions are adapted. However, he fails to consider the original number of students at both universities. It is possible that students at OU were far less than that at HU before last year, so 50% actually indicates an insatiable result if transformed into numbers. According, it’s not believable to lead to the conclusion that the percentage of students at HU would enhance before explaining the possibility mentioned above. To strengthen the evidence, the president should provide data about the true number of students at both schools.
Secondly, it is supposed that the cost of maintaining buildings at HU would decrease like that at OU after online instructions take place. Nonetheless, the current condition of the hardware is neglected. There remains possibility that the dormitory and classroom are still quite new at OU , while those at HU have been too old and dangerous to accommodate students. Under this circumstance, HU would still have to face the expenditure of maintaining the buildings even if the online instruction is launched. Thus, whether the expense would consequently decrease remains skeptical. The condition of the buildings should be carefully evaluated before processing to the conclusion.
Additionally, the president presupposes that the failure to grow enrollment at HU during the past three years is primary attributed to the way of taking courses. Teaching quality at both college, on the other hand, is overlooked. Perhaps OU has introduced more famous and outstanding teachers to provide courses online, and the students are attracted because of them. If it’s the case, students would not be appealed to online courses at HU. Therefore, before reaching the conclusion, the president should understand more about the quality of courses in each school.
Admittedly, initiating and actively promoting online instructions might do benefit to the enrollment and help to solve the budget problems at HU. However, since the author fails to take the student numbers, the condition of buildings and the teaching quality into consideration, I don’ t agree that the conclusion is convincing unless he provide more precise information about the things mentioned above.
