Funny Jokes you might enjoy

George was married.His wife looked a sight…His friends came to him one day to symphatize with him over a whisky.What came over you old chap?!-said Alf-can’t you see she’s got terrible legs and figure?She’s got pimples all over her face!-said Bill.She’s got so little money-said Frank.She’s got huge ears that stick from under her hat!-said James.She’s got no taste-said Dick.That’s all right-said George-I know all that,but she has something which no other girl has got…The friends were completely taken by surprise.At last one of them said–What has she got? She has got a hearth of gold,and…And what?-asked the friends.-Come on,out with it! She is dumb-said George with a triumphant smile.

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Tom McLeod promised his wife to put up a tombstone for his mother-in-law.He asked a stone-mason about that matter.There will be no difficulty at all, that’s what I’m here for. saying this he showed his customer a great many tombstones. I wonder what the price will be–asked the Scotsman.And when he heard the answer,he thought it was rather more than he could afford. You haven’t got any secondhand tombstones,have you? Yes,I have-answered the businessman feeling rather surprised-but a secondhand stone will have a different name written on it! That’ll be all right-said Mr.mcLeod-you see my mother-in law could neither read nor write!

Jack was telling his friend Dick how wonderful place Paris was. -Just think–he said–the moment you set foot in Paris you are looked after and taken care of…At the station you are expected to choose one of the luxurious cars that are waiting for you…Next you are driven to an expensive hotel where a room has already booked for you…Anything you choose to eat or drink is paid for…In the morning you’re presented with flowers and at night you’re driven to the best night clubs,where you can dance and drink to the small hours of the morning…Dick was taken abeck by the story and could hardly believe his ears!..How do you know!–he burst out–Have you been to Paris? No,I haven’t --said Jack–but my wife has!..

Dr Murderson examined a dying man and looking very grave,said that only an operation could save his life.Meny medical students and TV journalists wanted to watch an opperation of the famous surgeon.The opperation lasted 50 minutes,and was crowned with success.Happy patient could hardly find words to express his gratitude…Thank you sir–he said–thank you!There is one thing thought,I can’t understand…–What is it?–I wonder why I was deprived of my left ear?..Er,well you heard the storm of applause–said the doctor–the audience wanted me to give an encore…Believe me,that was the smallest item I could cut off!

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This is just so funny and if you have not seen ,

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Frank,a boy of 7 went up to his mother who had just been insured and asked:I say mummy,how much would you get from your insurance company if a train cut one of your legs off? Er…well,answered the mother,I suppose I’d get about 200 pounds.After a little thought the boy asked again–And what do you think they would pay if a train cut one of your legs and one of your arms off?__About 500 or even 600 pounds__was answer. Hearing the mother’s answer Frank got terribly excited and he simply shouted his next question:__And what if you lost all your limbs!!! The mother put the boy on his lap,patted him gently on the head,and said kissing him tenderly: __Oh! what a dreamer you are,darling! The sweetest dreamer I’ve ever know! Alicja1

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John just graduated from clinical psychology and opens his first office. After some successful advertising he is astounded to have nearly 300 people wanting to be in group therapy. John decides to rent a big hall and invite the entire group. To break the ice, and to get the therapy started, John decides to ask a show of hands how often the attendees had sex. He first asks for a show of hands of all the people who had sex almost every night. A modest number of hands were raised. He then asks, how many had sex once a week? This time a larger number of hands were raised. John then asks how many had sex once or twice a month? Again a few hands were raised. After John polled his group several more times he noticed one guy sitting off to the side with this huge beaming grin on his face. John noticed that the guy never raised his hand, so he asked him how often he had sex. The guy said, “Once a year!” To John’s dismay, he responds, “Why are you so happy getting sex only once a year?” The grinning guy responds, “Tonight’s the night!”

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