For success in a future job, the ability to relate well to people is more important than studying hard in school

English as a Second Language Preparation for and help with the TOEFL® Test and
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Greetings, please evaluate my essay and point out my mistakes, any feedback would be much appreciated.

topic:
For success in a future job, the ability to relate well to people is more important than studying hard in school.

I believe that empathy is more important than studying hard in school for success in future jobs. In workplaces people come together to work on a objective as a group, the outcome of work is related to performance of the whole group rather than an individuals. People work better with others when they can understand each other.

One of the greatest things that come from empathy is to understand the situation from another person’s perspective. An employer that relates to its workers would not set an impossible deadline or ask for unreasonable working hours and overtime. And if a employee sees that his or her employer have concerns about them and cares for them, the employee would feel more obliged to work more efficiently and not waste time in his or her working hours. This way if the company is in a bad place and needs to deliver results fast, the workers would understand their employers point of view, and would work harder as a result.

Another result of empathy would be friendships, people that show empathy befriend their co-workers easier and when people are friends, they work better and more efficiently as they can communicate better with each other and relax in company of each other. Friendships between co-workers is a good thing both for the company and their workers. This friendships usually grow to be more than just a work friendships as they would go out in their free times, and no one could argue that it’s better to have friends that not have them, therefore it is beneficial for the worker.

While studying hard in school will get you good grades, it might not give you the information and skills you need for a successful job. Of course the structure and the curriculum in the school system is very important. The critics say that the current schools systems does not prepare a person for the future. However there are good school systems that could give a boost for landing a job, for example I think the the school systems in france and norway are very good, they emphasize on arts and technical skills. In conclusion most of the today’s school systems does not prepare a child for their future and empathy has more effects on success of a business.

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I have sent this essay to a english instructor and she said that “The most important point is that you didn’t care about the topic. You are talking about sympathy”.
Do you agree with her?
I know that empathy has a broader meaning but it contains “the ability to relate to people” and I believe it’s not vague in my usage of the word.

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I think my essay is not that bad but it is not great either. It’s a bit unprofessional.
In the first paragraph I could add a sentence like this "Empathy is relating to others, putting ourselves in another person’s shoes. With empathy established between people comes a great deal of benefits. "
In the second paragraph I wanted to show the benefits of empathy between employee and employer, it would’ve been better to introduce the idea first then follow it by providing examples as i did.

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I don’t think ‘jobs’ as such are the future. We don’t need more bullshit jobs but a completely new way of working and living.

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Personally, I completely agree with you. I wouldn’t work in a place where my boss tries to be my friend in order to take some kind of leverage, that’s psychopathic.
I just wanted to write something with some kind of reasoning for TOEFL. It is really hard to come up with something intelligent in 30 minutes about a subject that I don’t even care. I have a problem with their subjects, most of the time they want you to choose a side, well most of the time you should not choose a side, there are pros and cons to everything. Who’s to say what it’s more important ? more important for whom ? in depends on the person. Someone gains success from studying hard in school, others don’t. Why is that? Ask a sociologist, I don’t know. It’s not like that there is a universal rule for success in future jobs that should depend only on the ability to relate to people or studying hard in school. Actually, in my humble opinion, technical skills and pure luck are the most deciding factor for a successful job. But I cannot write about that, they would say it’s off topic and I would get a bad score.
I don’t like these questions, but hey, what can I do ? I should just pick a side and make a quasi compelling reasons that somehow might work.
Anyway They don’t judge us by the content, they judge for development of ideas, organization and language use, which is not good in this essay :frowning:

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What exactly makes the TOEFL so attractive for young people like you that you spend hours on preparing for it? Why can’t you see that hierarchical organizations like ETS don’t have a future in a world that’s dominated by ai and automation?

What makes you think you will be able to compete with future generations of GPT-3?

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I like the way you think Torsten. Who knows what will happen when singularity occurs. There might be an elite race of genetically engineered humans. Robots will take a lot of jobs from humans, robots can do anything deterministic task better than humans. They don’t want a paycheck and only need programming and electricity to run 24/7. Of course capitalist such as jeff bezos would use robots, it’s cheaper, more money for jeff.
I’m not taking this exam because I like to, I’m taking it because It’s a requirement for studying a master degree in EU. Actually I want to major in AI.

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But if you are really into AI you don’t need to enrol in a master program in the EU. As a matter of fact, I don’t think the EU is the right place to study the subject nor is a traditional master program the future. Micro credentialing and online learning is much more effective than chasing a ‘master degree’ especially since it will be outdated even before your obtain it.

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I didn’t told you the full picture. To be honest i don’t event want to enroll in a master program. what i really want is to get the hell of the place I live. I was unfortunate enough to be born in Iran. we don’t even have basic human rights here. Our supreme leader is a dinosaur from ancient times, he has the title of Ayatollah which literally means “sign of god”, and in his mind he is the direct representative of god on earth. What a load of crap. We can’t even question anything about him. If i were to publicly announce my opinion of him or my ideas that we should change the way we are governing over this place they would literally hang me. There are ways better ways than what are we doing now, why can’t we have a modern decentralized bodies of government? why can’t we have socialism? why can’t we just live in peace with others?
Most of the world is run by insane people with insane objectives. I don’t event have a right to work because of my passport. I was working as a freelancer but my rights to work were revoket because of that buffoon of president. Look at the USA, it’s ludicrous, why can’t they come up with candidates better than that buffoon or the one that won recently? another ancient artifact. What are their objectives? to make the world a better place or just make more money? Do they care that this sanctions are destroying human lives here? NO.
Why those “world leaders” can’t understand violence only leads to more violence, why can’t they stop this wars? Muslims are becoming more violent as the result of the violence they faced. Look at the history, there were not any terrorist attack 50 years ago, there was not much either before that ridiculous Iraq war. Its not just that, the whole vietnam war was bat shit crazy. Why did they kill those people and villagers in vietnam? because they wanted to be communism? if you are advocating freedom, then why the hell they can’t be free to choose communism? They are blinded by blood money, war has certain economical benefits for them.
I don’t understand why Iran has these much beef with Israel, I mean even if you are religious your god doesn’t tell you to kill innocent infants that are born there. why cant they understand peace means less children dying both Palestinian or Israelian. But no, they want to clear the Israel from face of the earth. They are Insane… What can i do except trying to get the fck of this place and go somewhere where people are less crazy, where I would at least have the basic human rights.
Life is not fair, it never was, and it never will. I don’t have “your” rights… i don’t have your rights of free educations. Don’t assume that it easy to even get out of a place like these. I’ll have to sell a house or something to get that tuition money, which is free for you guys fortunate enough to be born in EU.

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