Fast food and higher tax

Hi Luschen! Would you mind helping me correct this essay please? Thank you very much!

Topic: In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. Agree/disagree?

In recent decades, there has been a sharp increase in fast food consumption around the world, causing greater health concerns for people. Although the fast food industry has immensely contributed to economic growth, governments should prioritize the well-being of society by raising taxes on this type of food.

To begin with, it is true that heavier taxes on fast foods will discourage people from unhealthy diets that are high in fat, salt and sugar. First, fast foods are less nutritionally valuable as they are prepared and processed in an industrial fashion. For example, in order to be served quickly, most of the ingredients are precooked and reheated later, lowering the overall quality of the food. Second, if people do not control their calorie intake, they will be susceptible to numerous diseases, such as obesity and diabetes. This has a variety of negative impacts on human development as people become physically inactive and suffer from organ dysfunction, which reduces life expectancy.

If new taxes were enacted, there would be more motivation for families to gather together. In fact, while people are increasingly reliant on fast food as an alternative to homecooked meals, the time they spend with the families at the dining table is shortened, or even worse, lost. Therefore, by preparing meals at home, people can not only ensure sanitation and quality of the foods but also bring themselves a wealth of happiness. My own experience is a good example of this. When I was a child, my mother only allowed me to go to fast food restaurants several times a year. Because she was well aware of the disadvantages of fast foods, she was always willing to spend time cooking for me and teach me how to cook, regardless of her hectic schedule. At school, I cooked my own meals and brought them to eat with my friends during lunchtime. Thanks to my mother, I did not have to struggle with obesity like many peers and played an active role in school’s basketball team.

Apart from raising people’s awareness of the importance of healthy eating habits, governments can impose more pressure on fast food industry to reformulate their recipes to reduce the fat content and harmful preservatives. Only by improving nutritional values of their products can those companies strengthen the chances of survival and gain support from the public. This is also an effective strategy for company leaders to boost their profits in the long run while playing a significant role in advocating healthy diets.

In conclusion, enacting heavier taxes on unhealthy food and drink must be regarded as one of the top policies to promote the welfare of all citizens. Therefore, governments and corporations should take steps to ensure that food-related diseases remain at bay.

TOEFL listening discussions: What does an unlimited parking pass include?

Hi Bibo, another great essay. Very well organized and relevant to the prompt.
You did have a few phrases here and there that could be more clear and you made some jumps in logic that to me required a little more connecting of the dots. Here are my specific suggestions: