Essay young people enjoy in their life than older people do

Hi to all members in this platform. i am intend to take toefl test after two weeks from now and i need from you to revise my essay, and i will be grateful

No one can deny that there is enjoyment in both ages and this differs from one person to another.
For me, I agree with the author’s statement that young people are more enjoying in their life than older people.
İt is my firm belief for three reasons, and I will state these reasons in the subsequent paragraph.

First, the youngest people have a lot of free time to enjoy in their life to do what they went, because they do not have a family like a wife and children must be taken care of them and no work commitments should be done and no many tasks that are not of their responsibilities.
İn contrast, the older people almost do not have time to enjoy themselves because of the heavy respossbitites like waking up early to work,
taking care of their family, and so many duties they have to work on it preventing them from tasting the taste of life.

Second, the youngest people are in good health which enables them to make what they enjoy then like traveling to a distant place, sitting with their friends in the restaurant and nightclubs, and many other things that satisfy them. Nonetheless, the older people most of them, unfortunately, have illnesses that hinder them from traveling to have good vacations and a special diet and place that prevents them from eating and sitting with their friends and chronic diseases stopped them from making interesting adventures. For example, I have a good time when I travel with my friends to any country without any problems, while my father spent most of his time at the work and when he the day resty he fell stayed at the home because of his old age to take relive from his cramps from lone hour work.

Finally, the youngest people in this time use technology constantly to make their life easy and flexible to enjoy like chatting with their friends from the bad and having a good time with each other, playing video games, browsing the unlimited wide world internet that is full of fascinating thins. Nevertheless, older people often do not understand the internet world and do not with video games either that will give the users the pleasure and vitality.

İn light of the reasons I mentioned, I strongly agree that young people enjoy their life more than older ones because of the free time they have to do what they desire and the health that gives them activity and strength which allow them to make any movement without any fear and because of the good exploitation of technology which permit the world in their hands

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First, the youngest people have a lot of free time to enjoy their lives and do what they want because they don’t have a family, such as a wife and children to take care of, and don’t have work obligations and don’t have many chores to do that are not their responsibilities.
İn contrast, the elderly have almost no time to enjoy themselves because they have so many obligations, such as getting up early to work,
getting up early to take care of the family, and so many duties that prevent them from enjoying the taste of life.

Secondly, the younger ones are in good health, which enables them to do what they enjoy, such as traveling to a faraway place, sitting with friends in a restaurant or disco, and many other things that satisfy them. However, most elderly people unfortunately have diseases that prevent them from traveling and having a nice vacation, and a special diet and place that prevents them from eating and sitting with their friends, as well as chronic diseases prevent them from having interesting adventures. For example, I have a good time traveling to any country with my friends without any problems, while my father spent most of his time at work and when he rested for the day, he stayed at home to recover from his cramps due to working for hours because of his old age.

Finally, the youngest people in this era are constantly using technology to make their lives easy and flexible to enjoy, such as chatting with their friends and having a good time together, playing video games, and browsing the unlimited worldwide Internet, which is full of fascinating things. Nevertheless, older people often don’t understand the world of internet and also the video games that bring joy and vitality to the users.

Considering the above reasons, I believe that young people enjoy their lives more than older people because they have more time to do what they want, and because their health gives them activity and strength that allow them to move without fear, and because they can make good use of the technology that puts the world in their hands.

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what exactly are my mistakes, did i put to much details?. please telll me sir, what are my weak points of writing the essay? @Torsten

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I recommend you read this:

thank you so much sir for your advice @Torsten

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