Essay task 2: Education

[thaodang119]

Hi leaders, please help me check this essay, thank you in advance
Some people think that everyone has the right to have access to university education, and that government should make it free for all students no matter what financial background they have.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion.

Acquiring knowledge in university is one of the most important steps to have student’s bright career prospect, therefore many assume that government funds should be spent on higher education for all students, regardless of socio-economic backgrounds. I agree with this point of view in some extent and this essay will explain why.

To begin with, I understand why many support to the idea that allocating national budget for higher education will bring significant advantages. In fact, students must pay exorbitant tuition fees to study in university, so it would be unfair if only students who come from the wealthy families can afford tertiary education fees. Although students come from different financial backgrounds, they are in equal in intelligence and scholastic capability. Therefore, by providing free higher education, all students will have equal opportunities to access tertiary-level education, which may contribute to stop brain drain. Nonetheless, since the government must tackle many pressing problems such as poverty, or juvenile crime, thus I would argue that it would be better for the government to cover partly university education’s fees for students

However, making investment national budget to pay all university attender’s cost may have detrimental effect on society. When all students are able to earn bachelor degree, the value of these degrees may decrease, which lead to the rise of proportion of graduates who are employed based on their qualifications. Furthermore, dedicating money for higher education will cost the government the great deal of money, hence, the nation have to impose higher taxes on their citizens to ensure enough money for education; as a result, this will increase the financial burden on them.

In conclusion, while I agree that all students have the right to pursue the higher education due to their desire to increase their income later, I think that the government are no under obligation to take care of all university education’s fees.

[Luschen]

Hi Nancy, I think your essay is not too bad, but I am not sure you addressed the prompt exactly as I or the grader would expect. The prompt says “no matter what financial background they have.” This implies that the controversy includes whether government should provide support to all university students, or only to poor university students.
You have not really discussed this much at all in your essay, besides saying that without financial support, only the rich will be able to go to college. You have developed the answer “university education should be partially funded by the government”, but I think you have to answer specifically in your essay whether this partial funding will go to all students or only to those who are struggling financially. Also, since this partial funding scheme is the main point of your essay, this should be included in your thesis statement instead of or in addition to the more vague “in some extent”. Here are some additional comments:

@thaodang119

Acquiring knowledge in university is one of the most important steps to have [making a] student’s bright career [prospects brighter], therefore many assume that government funds should be spent on higher education for all students, regardless of socio-economic backgrounds. I agree with this point of view [to] some extent and this essay will explain why.

To begin with, I understand why many support to the idea that allocating [part of the] national budget for higher education will bring significant advantages. In fact, students must [currently] pay exorbitant tuition fees to study in university, so it would be [is] unfair [that] only students who come from the wealthy families can afford tertiary education fees. {or you could change this whole sentence to a hypothetical - “In fact, without government support, students would be forced to pay exorbitant tuition fees to study in university, which would be unfair in that only students who come from the wealthy families could afford tertiary eduction fees.” As written, it is unclear whether your sentence reflects the current situation or a possible future} Although students come from different financial backgrounds, they [are] equal in intelligence and scholastic capability. Therefore, by providing free higher education, all students will have equal opportunities to access tertiary-level {or “university-level education” to avoid repetition} education, which may contribute to [stopping] [the phenomenon called “brain drain”, where the smartest students move to other countries to pursue their education and careers] {I think you would need to define a term like “brain drain”, which may not be widely known}. Nonetheless, since the government must tackle many pressing problems such as poverty, or juvenile crime, thus {don’t use both “since” and “thus” together} I would argue that it would be better for the government to [partly] cover partly university education’s {it sounds better without the apostrophe here} fees for students {this is really the main point of your essay, that you believe the government should only party cover university costs. So I would have included this in your thesis and then you can reiterate here as well as in the next paragraph}

However, making [the huge] investment [in the] national budget [that would be required] to pay all university [attendees’] cost may have [a ]detrimental effect on society. When all students are able to earn [a ]bachelor degree, the value of these degrees may decrease, which [would lead to the rise [in] proportion of graduates who are [underemployed] based on their qualifications. {it this what you meant?} Furthermore, dedicating money for higher education will cost the government [a] great deal of money, hence, the nation [will] have to impose higher taxes on their citizens to ensure enough money for education; as a result, this will increase the financial burden on [the populace as a whole].

In conclusion, while I agree that all students [deserve] the right to pursue the higher education due to their desire to increase their income later, I think that the government [is] no under obligation to take care of all university education’s fees.