Essay revision--It is often not a good thing to move to a new city or new country

English as a Second Language Preparation for and help with the TOEFL® Test and
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Hi, Kitos
I modify some paragraphs and total words reduce from 530 to 350. Then I correct my puncuation. Maybe last essay made you boring, cause I haven’t noticed the puncuation problem before. OMG! I wish this essay would not bother you. Many thanks:)

Agree or disagree? It is often not a good thing to move to a new city or new country because of the lose of old friends?

Whether it is a good thing to move to a new city or new country is a complex and controversial issue. Many people assert that because of losing old friends, it is often not a good thing. If you ask me, however, I support that moving to a new city or new country is a good thing. The rest of this essay will illustrate my statement.

Moving to a new place can provide people with more opportunities, such as job opportunities. According to a recent survey in China Daily, an increasing number of people move to southern China, like Guangzhou, Shenzhen to find jobs. The majority of them are able to obtain better jobs and more competitive salaries in these new cities, whereas some of them were even out of work when they lived in former cites which have small job markets that can not meet job applicants’need. Under this circumstance, moving to a new place gives people a good chance to pursue one’s further development.

What is more, it is conductive to healing people’s soul to move to a new place. You can imagine that if one suffer serious disasters, such as a earthquake, a war, or losing one’s family members in a city, one can not calm down when he or she still live in the same city. It is necessary for him or her to move to a new place in order to forget sorrow and keep peace in his or her soul. Brand new city or new country means brand new life. It is more likely that one’s old memories can be substituted by the new memories. In turn,one can acquire the spirit of peace in the new place.

However, some people may argue that because of losing old friends, it is not a good thing to move to a new place. But I would like to say that moving to a new place does not necessarily means missing old friends. In modern society, internet is well developed, so it is convenient for people to talk with friends by means, like e-mail, msn, or skype. People can still keep touch with old friends all the time.

From what has been discussed above, one can safely draw the conclusion that moving to a new place is a good thing for people.

TOEFL listening lectures: Why does the professor explain the history of coffee?

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Agree or disagree? It is often not a good thing to move to a new city or country because of the possibility of losing old friends.

Whether it is a good thing to move to a new city or new country is a complex and controversial issue. Many people assert that because of losing old friends, it is often not a good thing. If you ask me, however, I support that moving to a new city or new country is a good thing. The rest of this essay will illustrate my statement.

Moving to a new place can provide people with more opportunities, such as greater job opportunities. According to a recent survey in “China Daily”, an increasing number of people have moved to southern China, to cities such as Guangzhou or Shenzhen to find jobs. The majority of them are able to obtain better jobs and more competitive salaries in these new cities, whereas some of them were out of work when they lived in former cites which have smaller job markets that cannot meet job applicants’ needs. Under this circumstance, moving to a new place gives people a good chance to pursue one’s further development.

What is more, it is conductive to healing people’s souls to move to a new place. You can imagine that if one has suffered serious disasters, such as an earthquake, a war, or losing one’s family members, one cannot calm down when they still live in the same city. It is necessary for them to move to a new place in order to forget sorrow and keep peace in their soul. A brand new city or new country means a brand new life. It is more likely that one’s old memories can be substituted by the new memories. In turn, one can acquire the spirit of peace in the new place.

However, some people may argue that because of losing old friends, it is not a good thing to move to a new place. I would like to say that moving to a new place does not necessarily mean missing old friends. In modern society, the (I)nternet is well developed, so it is convenient for people to talk with friends by many means, like e-mail, msn, or Skype. People can still keep touch with old friends all of the time.

From what has been discussed above, one can safely draw the conclusion that moving to a new place is a good thing for people.
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Although you wrote well Caroll, you waited until the very end to refer to the theme of your topic … losing contact with friends.

Kitos. 8/10

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Hi, Kitos.

Thank you for your reviewing. I am considering how to repeat the theme of my topic in key position and how to organize essay well.
Aha, this is a issue I need to solve. Thanks again:)

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Two paragraphs.

1.) The perils and benefits of moving to another place.

2.) The many avenues available to keep in touch with friends.

3.) A stirring conclusion.

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I think I got it:) Somethimes no words come in my mind when I see some topics,so I have to take too much time to write an essay. Should I need more reading before writing? Is it a good way to improve my ability of writing and speaking?

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Reading is the best and quickest way to improve. (IMO.)