[essay] Please help me correct and rate my essay. Thank you very much.

  1. Many students choose to attend schools or universities outside their home countries. Why do some students study abroad? Use specific reasons and details to explain your answer.

[color=darkblue]Nowadays, there are plenitude cultural flows are exchanging all over the world. A dozen Western students are going to Eastern country for studying abroad and vice versa, an innumerable students from some Asia countries are going to England, Norway, France, Germany, Spain, American and even Australia for studying.
For Eastern students, most of their countries are developing countries; it means that studying abroad in developed countries will bring back to them more opportunities in the future. These chances can improve many qualities of their living such as higher position in a company, higher salary, be respected in their community, more knowledge and more skills and so on. Someone of them want to change their countries like beef up the economic, enhance the living standard or even protect their home country from the threat of other countries. Some students just want to improve themselves, maybe they prefer to know what the worldwide is, how about the different cultures, or just only to speak english fluently. These differences purpose can be achieved by a simple way is studying abroad.
Meanwhile, for Western students, I guess the main cause of their studying abroad is the attraction (charming) of Eastern culture. Asia’s culture completely different from American culture, English culture, French culture or any Western country’s culture. For example, the Western people don’t worship their ancestors, but Eastern countries have. It’s a traditional culture which being from many thousands ago, a beauty of the humanity and culture, that the Western cannot understand if they don’t go to some countries such as Vietnam or China for experiment.
In conclusion, studying abroad could give students many valuable benefits that they cannot find in their home countries. Perhaps these are monetary wealth or cultural knowledge or skills, and either to develop their home countries or to improve themselves, obviously studying abroad help to speed up a connected world in the future, where the sympathy and the peace create a better world.

TOEFL listening lectures: A university lecture on Modern World History

Hi, I thought this was a very good essay. The structure and arguments are good. I like how you divided it between Asian students and Western students, as they do have different priorities. You do not have too many grammar mistakes and your vocabulary is pretty good. Unfortunately, you still have a lot of awkward or unclear or just odd sounding sentences. Always try for parallel structure in your longer sentences - do you know what I mean by that? This is very close to a 4, but I still have to rate it a 3.5 out of 5.

Good morning Mr. Luschen, what time is it in your place now? My place is GMT+9, 6.35 a.m.

  • For Asian students, most of their home countries are developing countries; it means that studying abroad in a developed country will bring back to these students more good opportunities in their life such as carreer in the future.
  • It’s a traditional culture which has existed from ancient times./ It’s a traditional culture which has inherited from the ancestors in ancient times and surviving to this moment. This is a beauty of the humanity and the spirit that the Westerners will never understand if they don’t go to some countries in Asia to experient by themselves such as Vietnam, China, Indonesia and so on.
  • Perhaps these are monetary wealth, cultural knowledge, modern management skills, or some experiences which only can achieve by the time and situation.

Hi Deathangel - my time is GMT - 5, so we are 14 (or 10?) hours apart.

I am sorry, I made a mistake and added an extra strikeout, which drew a line through a sentence which was fine. I have corrected my error.

Your revisions are better, here are some more ideas:

  • For most Asian students, their home countries are still developing; this means that students studying abroad in a developed country will return home with more good opportunities to brighten their futures.

  • It’s a traditional culture which has existed for thousands of years, inheriting customs and traditions from their ancient ancestors that still survive today. This is a beautiful example of humanity and spirit that the Westerners will never understand if they don’t go to some countries in Asia such as Vietnam, China, and Indonesia to see it for themselves.

  • These benefits could include monetary wealth, cultural knowledge, modern management skills, or simply some unique experiences that will eventually improve the students as well as their home country.

Yes, I know, don’t mind it.
Your suggested sentences so good. I will use these sentences when I meet a same situation.
Thank so much ^^