Essay:it is better to have a broad knowledge of many academic subjects than one

English as a Second Language Preparation for and help with the TOEFL® Test and
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Dear friends, could you please help me with my TOEFL essay. I’ll have TOEFL exam in 3 weeks and I really need a good score. I appreciate your kind help.

When it comes to the issue of having a broad knowledge in many academic subjects than to specialize in one specific subject, some people believe that it is better to concentrate on one subject, while others mention the opposite point of view. As far as I am concerned, the latter opinion carries more weight. In my idea, possessing a broad knowledge brings much more merit. It makes you to fortify your creativity. Also, it would create a comfortable life, and provide a large rang of solution in your life. Below I will strive to explain my supporting points in more detail.
Firstly, it is true that when we take lots of times on a specific subject, we are able to harvest the best quality of information. Likewise, having knowledge in other subjects would bring numerous benefits, too. However, it should be considered that when you try to access to other areas in academic subjects, you are in the way to stimulate your brain. To clarify, in a case of student, when he is interested in psychology subjects and he is searching for some research to come up with his course, by take a look at another subject, for example, social humanity, he would be able to make a novel topic. Thus, it makes him to come up with some new areas and methods. Consequently, he could get a lot of new information in related to another subjects and leads to promote his creativity.
Secondly, I firmly believe when we are aware of numerous subjects, chiefly in an academic area, there would be a variety of opportunities for us to get the best job offer. To illustrate my point, nowadays, in an advanced world, majority of universities is searching for a person with high qualification. So, it is obvious when you have a strong background in plenty of knowledge, clearly, you would be the first person at their list to be opted. In hence, always you have been staying on peace to have a steadily job without any dread of lost your job. So, in today’s hectic life, you will have an appropriate lifetime.
Last but not least, as we all know, academic subject provides a various good effects on our life. There is a wide assortment of problems in humankind’s life. In a case, a person, who has lots of knowledge in each aspect, will be able to encounter with problems, and therefore could find the proper solution for those kinds of problems.
All in all, as the aforementioned reasons, broad of knowledge has been always brings positive things for us. We will be able to come up lots of ways to make the best life and reach out many benefits for ourselves.

TOEFL listening lectures: Which aspect of bee behavior does the professor mainly discuss?

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Hi Zeinab, welcome to the forum. I think your essay is pretty good. You have addressed the topic correctly and supplied several good reasons to support your arguments. I liked your detailed examples as well. Your introduction sounded very “boiler-plate” though. You also had quite a few odd sounding and sometimes unclear phrases as well as some errors in sentence structure and grammar mistakes. Overall, I would rate this a 3.5 out of 5.

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Dear Luschen, thank you for your help. Actually I need the higher score, so could you help me to find some way to increase it in three weeks? D:Also, beside weak explanation of bodies, I feel that my intro is not interesting, too. Could you take a look at this one?

When it comes to the issue of having a broad knowledge in many academic subjects rather than to specialize in one specific subject, optimistic and pessimistic people have different attitudes towards this topic. For me, a person who likes learn in many areas, I would prefer to gain broad of knowledge academic subjects.
And this one:
Some people believe that it is better to pay attention on one academic subjects. Others feel that possessing a broad knowledge would bring more merits. In my opinion, having a broad knowledge is much more efficient. There are many reasons for my perspective as follows.
Please help me to get the best way to write… thank you soooo much.

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Hi, your vocabulary is pretty good and you have the correct structure. Your main issue is your errors in constructing sentences and phrases, often with your use of prepositions. I don’t really know any quick ways to correct this, besides reading some other articles and essays and perhaps going over preposition use. The best idea for an introduction is to move from some broad and general statements, gradually narrowing them down until you get to the thesis. Maybe something like:

We all know someone who is a “jack-of-all-trades”, someone who always seems to know at least something about almost everything. Such a person might be a great contestant for a game show like Jeopardy, but in the real world, especially the academic world, new discoveries and masterpieces of art and literature often require a lifelong focused study on one particular topic. Still, although this specialization might be an advantage in some ways, in my opinion, I prefer having knowledge across a wide breadth of fields, as it fortifies my creativity, helps me have a more comfortable life, and allows me to solve any challenge I might encounter in life.

As you can see, something like this cannot be memorized and used for every essay, but to me it is far more interesting than the boilerplate “There is a hot debate about this topic as people hold different points of view on it.” I am not an official grader, so I do not really know if using a standard memorized introduction for every essay will reduce your score, though some experts seem to think so. Still, the introduction, apart from the thesis statement, is not the most important part of the essay - it is more critical to get the body paragraphs right.