Essay about team sports and individual sports please rate my essay, thanks

[Cismarel]

Some people prefer to play team sports, while others prefer to play individual sports. Discuss the advantages of each. Then indicate which you prefer and why.

Practicing a sport, wherever in a team or individual is vital not only for a healthy body, but also for a healthy mind. In a sport you compete mostly with yourself and every time you trie to pass your limits even you’re in a team or your team is consisted only in you , so it’s all about our preference of being solitarily or solidarity.
First of all both modes of playing have theirs advantages. Therefore when you chose being individual, everything depends on your skills and your current fit. The good part is that you don’t rely on others help, risking losing the game because of a misunderstanding or other issues. Furthermore this way you avoid problems with others teammates and you’re the only one who take important decisions during the game play. As a result you may develop your capability of doing things in life by yourself and this is a great advantage because you don’t have to wait for others to help you.
On the other hand being part of a team is requiring for your ability to be a good listener and speaker in order to get along with your mates easily. The main advantage of this form is the team still have a chance to reach the goal even one of its players are not feeling good or if they have been injured during the match. Moreover here are more thoughts from different peoples and by summarize them the group can figure out a good strategy to win the game, in fact this is a good exercise in working as a part of a team in ordinary situations.
Personally I prefer to be in a team, constantly working to overcome difficulties, because I like to work with other peoples because I believe in strength of a nuclear team and is not as dull as playing alone. In addition I’ve experienced both types of playing, currently I’m playing team handball and I enjoy a lot to decide game tactics with my teammates.

Thank you very much!

TOEFL listening lectures: A university lecture by a professor in the College of Fine Arts

[Luschen]

Hi, I am not a teacher, but I will gladly give my comments on your essay. It’s an excellent essay. Good transition phrases, but remember to put a comma after them. Also, remember it is people, not peoples. The only time I can think of when you would ever say peoples is when referring to tribes or nations - “The peoples of West Africa” - but even then tribes would be better.

@Cismarel

Some people prefer to play team sports, while others prefer to play individual sports. Discuss the advantages of each. Then indicate which you prefer and why.

Practicing a sport, wherever[whether] in[on] a team or [as an] individual is vital not only for a healthy body, but also for a healthy mind. In a sport you compete mostly with yourself and every time you trie to pass your limits [you play you try to surpass your previous achievements] even you’re[if you’re] in[on] a team or your team is consisted only in you[consists only of you] , [new sentence] so it’s all about our preference of being solitarily or solidarity[good idea,but you can’t compare an adjective with a noun - you have to say “being solitary or achieving solidarity” or “having solitude or solidarity”].
First of all[,] both modes of playing have theirs advantages. Therefore when you chose being individual[choose playing as an individual], everything depends on your skills and your current fit[ness]. The good part is that you don’t rely on other’s help, risking losing the game because of a misunderstanding or other issues. Furthermore[,] this way you avoid problems with others[your] teammates and you’re the only one who take[makes the] important decisions during the game play. As a result[,] you may develop your capability of doing things in life by yourself and this is a great advantage because you don’t have to wait for others to help you.
On the other hand[,] being part of a team is requiring for [requires] your ability to be a good listener and speaker in order to get along with your mates easily. The main advantage of this form [of play] is the team still have[has] a chance to reach the goal even one of its players are not feeling good or if they have been injured during the match. Moreover[,] here [with a team there ]are more thoughts from different peoples and by summariz[ing] them the group can figure out a good strategy to win the game, [new sentence] in fact[,] this is a good exercise in working as a part of a team in ordinary situations.
Personally[,] I prefer to be in a team, constantly working to overcome difficulties, because I like to work with other peoples [new sentence]because I believe in [the] strength of a nuclear[closely knit] team and [it] is not as dull as playing alone. In addition[,] I’ve experienced both types of playing[:] currently I’m playing team handball and I [really] enjoy a lot to decide [deciding] game tactics with my teammates.

Thank you very much!

TOEFL listening lectures: A university lecture by a professor in the College of Fine Arts

[Cismarel]

Hi Luschen. Thanks for your feedback, it’s helpful to me because i need to practice a lot for toefl exam. So, maybe you can take a look over my next essays. Thanks for your gratitude! Have a nice weekend!