Essay about sport. Please can you correct it making it more natural and flow bett

[Milaniyamiila]

Essay about sport. Please can you correct it making it more natural and flow better. Thanks?
Lots of people enjoy different sports. However, there are people who think that sport is not really useful.
What is your opinion? Are you for or against sport?
Write 200—250 words.
Use the following plan:
— make an introduction (state the problem)
— express your personal opinion and give reasons for it
— give arguments for the other point of view and explain why you don’t agree with it
— draw a conclusion
According to the Cambridge dictionary, sport is considered as all activities done for enjoyment or to keep healthy and fit. There different attitudes to the sport. Some people think that sometimes sport can be harmful. For example, many sportsmen who devoted all their life to sport suffer from diseases cause by numerous injuries. On the other hand, scientists have proved that people who don’t do sport professionally are healthier and less prone to colds.
I strongly believe that people must try to be physically active at average level. For example, out P. E teacher offered to conduct an experiment to discover which effect sport has on our health. So, it was decided that all students and teacher work out five times a week. The results were amazing. The percentage of colds has decreased five times comparing with previous ages.
Though, there are people who believe that sport is useless. They underline that heavy workout can be dangerous and even lead to fatal states. There are cases when people who played a lot of sport left them severely disabled. Many sportsmen died from serious injuries. I can’t fully agree with their opinion. Light workout bring many benefits to health and is really very useful.
To sum up, sport is a must if you one keep healthy. It has to be said that some physical activities may be even dangerous. That’s why sport must be done but with carefulness and without too much effort.

TOEFL listening lectures: A university lecture by a professor of Physics

[Luschen]

Hi, I thought your writing was pretty good. You did have a couple of odd sounding phrases though. We almost always use the plural “sports” unless we are talking about a specific sport - “in the sport of football …”.

@Milaniyamiila

Essay about sport. Please can you correct it making it more natural and flow better. Thanks?
Lots of people enjoy different sports. However, there are people who think that sport is not really useful.
What is your opinion? Are you for or against sport?
Write 200—250 words.
Use the following plan:
— make an introduction (state the problem)
— express your personal opinion and give reasons for it
— give arguments for the other point of view and explain why you don’t agree with it
— draw a conclusion
According to the Cambridge dictionary, sport is considered as all activities [any activity] {or “sports are considered all activities …”} done for enjoyment or to keep healthy and fit. There [are] different attitudes to[wards sports] the sport.

Some people think that sometimes sport[s ] can be harmful. For example, many sportsmen[athletes] {a “sportsman” usually means a hunter or fisherman, although perhaps target shooting, archery and horseback riding might also apply} who devoted all their life to sport suffer from diseases cause[d ] by numerous injuries.{a disease caused by an injury seems odd, I would say suffer from conditions} On the other hand, scientists have proved that people who don’t do sport[s ] professionally are healthier and less prone to colds.
I strongly believe that people must try to be physically active at average level.{“at average level” sounds a bit odd} For example, ou[r] P. E teacher offered to conduct an experiment to discover which [what] effect sport[s have] has on our health. So, it was decided that all students and teacher [would] work out five times a week. The results were amazing. The percentage of colds has decreased five times compar[ed] with previous ages[periods].
Though,{“Still,” would be better} there are people who believe that sport is useless. They underline that heavy workout[s ] can be dangerous and even lead to fatal states. {“fatal states” seems overly euphemistic, like “unfortunately, the patient eventually arrived at a non-living state”} There are cases when people who played a lot of sport [were] left them severely disabled. Many sportsmen[athletes] died from serious injuries. I can’t fully agree with their {“their” here sounds like you are talking about the athletes} opinion. Light workout[s ] bring many benefits to health and is[are] really very useful.
To sum up, sport is a must if you one keep [want to keep yourself] healthy. It has to be said that some physical activities may be even dangerous. That’s why sport[s ] must be done[,] but with carefulness and without too much effort.

TOEFL listening lectures: A university lecture by a professor of Physics