Which would you choose: a high-paying job with long hours that would give you little time with family and friends or a lower-paying job with shorter hours that would give you more time with family and friends? Explain your choice, using specific reasons and details.
[color=darkred]Most people think that high-paying job will let them live more comfortable in the world nowadays. They allow to work in long hours or over time to get extra salary because they believe that if they earn more money, they can buy more things they want such as newest model of a mobile phone, a beautiful house, and so on. However, I believe that a lower-paying job with shorter hours is better for us.
There are a plethora of reasons to choose a lower-paying job; however, in my opinion, we have two conspicuous reasons:
Firstly, lower-paying job will bring to us more personal time to spend with our family and friends. We all know that people usually claim that they do not have enough time to do their job in their plan, to complete their tasks, or to acquire new goals; they even said that “time is gold,” so they have to utilize their time to get more and more money. Nevertheless, they do not realize that the time to share their life with the relatives, their family, their children, their parent, their wife, and their friends also cannot buy with gold or anything else. Obviously, in this aspect, time to make money is not play an important role as time to live a happy lifestyle with our family.
Besides that, spending long time to work would harm our health. For example, many researches had proved that sitting too long will bring to us many problems with our backs, our necks and our hearts; or working with the computer in a long time can decrease our visions, or cause us to memory loss. Certainly, in this case, how much money would have enough to restore our healthy states? The answer is nothing can exchange with our healthy bodies. Thus, instead of gaining more money, then have they come back to treat our health issues and let us spend more time to take care our bodies, then why we do not work a bit shorter and use this time to drive our family to countryside every weekend?
All in all, I would like a world where everyone live a little slower and use their time to care the earth environment, their friends, their family, their children, their parent, and so on. Therefore, I want to spend much time to live a happy life with my beloveds than earning more money but live in solitude.
Hi, I thought this was one of your better essays. Your introduction had a good structure, but some of your sentences were unclear and awkward. Your body paragraphs started out very good, but your last paragraph had some issues, especially that one very confusing sentence. Your conclusion was excellent and gave a great summary of your main point. I wanted to give this a 4, but with your awkward sounding last body paragraph I can only give it a 3.5 out of 5.
Thank you, Mr. Luschen. I really appreciate your honest in grading and revising my essay.
They allow {allow whom? allow themselves? that doesn’t really make sense} to work in long hours… --> I think that I misunderstood the way in using the word “allow” --> “They force themselves to work in long hours…”
We all know that people usually claim that they do not have enough time to do their job in their plan --> We all know that people usually complain that they do not have enough time to do all jobs as planed,…
“spending long time to work” sounds a bit awkward --> Besides that, use too much time for working would harm our health.
Thus, instead of gaining more money, then have they come back to treat our health issues and let us… --> Thus, instead of gaining more money, then have that money come back to treat our health issues and let us spend enormous time to take care our bodies…
I still have a lot of grammatical errors
