[Environment] IELTS WRITING TASK 2

[Th_Bui]

Please give me some comments. Thanks a lot
The world natural resources are consumed at an ever-increased rate. What are the dangers of this situation? What should we do?

My topic:The problem of over-consumption of natural resources has left the government stretching their brain. This phenomenon is a catalyst of many serious consequences which should be addressed urgently by the government and individuals.

On the one hand, the increasingly high level of exploitation of natural resources has already had some negative impacts on both the environment and citizens’ lives. In environmental terms, contamination of land, air, and water has reached alarming levels owing to over-dependence on natural resources such as fuels and fishes. For example, it is pressing that the amount of CO2 emitted from China’s factories because of the burning of coal and oil could cause air pollution and damage the ozone layer. Moreover, a high level of resource consumption such as over-fishing and deforest in the long run has contributed significantly to an imbalance in the ecosystem. Obviously, this would pave the way for natural disasters such as typhoon, earthquake, and flood which could pose a threat to human’s lives

On the other hand, some measures can be taken to mitigate the problem of over-consuming Earth’s resources. The most practical measure is that the government should encourage voluntary organizations to hold many environmental programs to raise the public’s awareness of the importance of natural resources to human’s lives. In addition, by allocating national budgets for alternative sources, the government can lower the reliance on natural resources. For instance, wind and tidal power in the Netherlands, nuclear power in Japan and solar power in the United States have all proven the efficiency in energy production. Secondly, individuals should prioritize in utilizing mass-producing energy-efficient products such as hybrid cars. If such a measure is implemented, these people can satisfy their basic human demands without over-consuming natural resources.

In conclusion, the overuse of natural resources causes two underlying disadvantages such as environmental contamination and a danger to human’s lives. Therefore, many effective methods should be used by the states and individuals to address the situation promptly.

[Luschen]

Hi Thư Bùi, I think you addressed this prompt well. As you determined, it is a two-part prompt with your first body paragraph discussing the effects and your second discussing the solutions. I thought it was a great idea to divide your first paragraph into environmental effects and effects on people’s lifestyles, but you did not really execute it as well as you could have. Still, your writing was clear and your solutions seemed appropriate and well-reasoned. One note: when there is a noun form of a word, we generally choose that over the gerund form. For instance, use “consumption” as a noun, not “consuming”. This is similar to using “creation” instead of “creating” or “destruction” instead of “destroying”. Here are some other specific suggestions:

@Th_Bui

The world natural resources are [being] consumed at an ever-increased rate. What are the dangers of this situation? What should we do?

My topic:The problem of over-consumption of natural resources has left the government stretching their brain. {this sounds a little odd - maybe you mean “scratching their heads”, but this might be too informal for an IELTS essay} This phenomenon is a catalyst {“catalyst” generally has a positive connotation, so it sounds little odd here} of many serious consequences which should be addressed urgently by the government and individuals.

On the one hand, the increasingly high level of exploitation of natural resources has already had some negative impacts on both the environment and citizens’ lives. In environmental terms, contamination of land, air, and water has reached alarming levels owing to over-dependence on natural resources such as fuels and [fish]. {this sounds a bit odd as written because I don’t think of fuel and fish in the same category - if you add “such as fuel used to power our technology and fish to feed the growing population” the connection would be more clear} For example, it is pressing that the amount of CO2 emitted from China’s factories because of the burning of coal and oil could cause air pollution and damage the ozone layer. {I don’t think CO2 is what hurts the ozone layer - this is caused by fluorocarbons} Moreover, a high level of resource consumption such as over-fishing and [deforestation] in the long run has contributed significantly to an imbalance in the ecosystem. Obviously, this would pave the way for natural disasters such as typhoon, earthquake, and flood which could pose a threat to human’s lives {Based on your topic sentence, I was expecting sort of an equal discussion of environmental damage and reduction of quality of life. It seems like you could have managed your sentences a bit better because the citizen’s lives issue really only got one short phrase at the very end.}

On the other hand, {I don’t think this is the best transition here - one hand … other hand is used to show contrast, but here you have a problem/solution format, not a one side/other side} some measures can be taken to mitigate the problem of [the over-consumption of] Earth’s resources. The most practical measure is that the government should encourage voluntary organizations {“vountary organizations” sounds odd and unclear - “volunteer organizations” is the correct term, but this would still seem vague to me} to hold many environmental programs to raise the public’s awareness of the importance of natural resources to human’s lives. In addition, by allocating national budgets for alternative [energy] sources, the government can lower the reliance on natural resources. For instance, wind and tidal power in the Netherlands, nuclear power in Japan and solar power in the United States have all proven [to be efficient] in energy production. Secondly, individuals should prioritize [their utillization of] [mass-produced] energy-efficient products such as hybrid cars. If such a measure is implemented, these people can satisfy their basic human demands without [consuming] natural resources [at a non-sustainable pace]. {you should try to avoid repetition in sentence structures as well as avoiding repeating specific words}

In conclusion, the overuse of natural resources causes two underlying disadvantages[, namely] environmental contamination and a danger to human’s lives. {only use “such as” when you give a subset of the total set - “there are thousands of colors, such as purple, yellow, and green” } Therefore, many effective methods[ such as the ones discussed in this essay] should be used by the states and individuals to address the situation promptly.