Education

[Solan]

Some people think that a good student is always a talented one. Those people, however, are wrong. As far as I am concerned, there are several factors that effect on learning and motivate students such as: Economic rewards, intrinsic satisfaction and Social factors.
Firstly Economic rewards, people with high level of education have better job opportunities and can obtain higher position at work. Most of the time higher position at work associates with higher income that is important for everyone in the word and can be consider as a kind of success in one life. Strong Economy makes people to achieve their wishes and be more convince in the life.
Secondly intrinsic satisfaction, interest is a factor that increases learning by increased engagement. When one is interested in something he/she is ready to spend more time and energy and he/she is ready to do more challenge with difficulty. People with interest on the topics cope with the texts and books better and they are more motivated to understand and process the context.
The last one Social factor, education brings higher social-class. One who is well educated has relation with more powerful and respected people. Besides school and competitive society makes students to take part in the completion of learning; the more eager to learn student try to be the number one and the least eager one try to keep up with others.
Although talent is still important factor, other factors impact learning either and it is not a simple process. As mentioned above Economic rewards, intrinsic satisfaction and Social factors must be considered as items that can motivate one for learning.

TOEFL listening lectures: What is one problem with contribution approach?

[Luschen]

Hi Solan, if this is a TOEFL essay, if you could include the prompt it would be helpful to me in making sure you addressed it properly. You have some good support for your arguments, but more specific and detailed examples would be helpful. Your topic sentences were not really in the correct format - remember this is an essay, not a Power Point presentation. You have some good vocabulary, but also some awkward sounding phrases and usage errors. Overall, I think I would rate this a 3 out of 5.

@Solan

Some people think that a good student is always a talented one. Those people, however, are wrong. As far as I am concerned, there are several factors that [ a]ffect on learning and motivate students[, such as {no colon - for a colon, the words before the colon need to form a complete sentence} [ e]conomic rewards, intrinsic satisfaction and [ s]ocial factors.
Firstly Economic rewards, people with [a ]high level of education have better job opportunities and can obtain higher position at work. {with your first phrase, this is not really a correct sentence}Most of the time higher position {“higher position” is a bit repetitive and does not sound that natural in the first place} at work associates with higher income[, something] that is important for everyone in the word and can be consider[ed] as a kind of success in one['s] life.{this sentence was a little rambling and unorganized} Strong [ e]conomy {the economy would be the general economy of the nation, not really effected by one’s education}makes people to achieve their wishes and be more convince in the life.
Secondly intrinsic satisfaction, {once again, this phrase does not really work - these need to be topic sentences, not bullet points} interest is a factor that increases learning by increased engagement. When one is interested in something[,] he/she is ready to spend more time and energy and he/she is ready to do[face] more [difficulty] challenge[s ] with difficulty{“with difficulty” would mean you would have trouble facing the challenges}. People with interest [ i]n the topics cope with the texts and books better and they are more motivated to understand and process the context.
The last one Social factor, education brings higher social-class. {maybe “A final factor influencing how motivated a student will be is the higher social status an education can bring.”} One who is well educated has relation[ships] with more powerful and respected people. Besides schoo[, our] and competitive society makes students to take part in the completion of learning; {is this what you meant? It is still not that clear} the more eager to learn student try to be the number one and the least eager one try to keep up with others. {this last sentence sounds very awkward and unnatural}
Although talent is still [an] important factor, other factors impact learning either[as well] and it is not a simple process. As mentioned above[, e[conomic rewards, intrinsic satisfaction and [ s]ocial factors must be considered as items {“items” soujnds a bit odd here} that can motivate one for learning.

TOEFL listening lectures: What is one problem with contribution approach?

[Solan]

Dear Luschen
This is a homework for essay writing course and it must has the same structure as TOEFL essays. I am weak on writing and need more practice.
There are some provided guides by our teacher like using firstly, Secondly , …!!
I am grateful for the help you provided.

[Luschen]

Hi, The problem is not with your Firstly, Secondly, Thirdly, it is with your phrases, like “Firstly economic rewards”. This is not a complete sentence, nor is it a dependent clause. It is just a noun phrase and is not linked correctly to the rest of the sentence.

[Solan]

I have to use firstly, secondly, …
Could you please tell me how I can use these words?

[Luschen]

Wrong: Firstly economic rewards, people with a high level of education have better job opportunities and can obtain higher position at work.

Correct: Firstly, economic rewards can motivate students, since people with a high level of education have better job opportunities and can obtain higher position at work.

Now we have a dependent clause and independent clause that are integrated together.