Some people think that a good student is always a talented one. Those people, however, are wrong. As far as I am concerned, there are several factors that effect on learning and motivate students such as: Economic rewards, intrinsic satisfaction and Social factors.
Firstly Economic rewards, people with high level of education have better job opportunities and can obtain higher position at work. Most of the time higher position at work associates with higher income that is important for everyone in the word and can be consider as a kind of success in one life. Strong Economy makes people to achieve their wishes and be more convince in the life.
Secondly intrinsic satisfaction, interest is a factor that increases learning by increased engagement. When one is interested in something he/she is ready to spend more time and energy and he/she is ready to do more challenge with difficulty. People with interest on the topics cope with the texts and books better and they are more motivated to understand and process the context.
The last one Social factor, education brings higher social-class. One who is well educated has relation with more powerful and respected people. Besides school and competitive society makes students to take part in the completion of learning; the more eager to learn student try to be the number one and the least eager one try to keep up with others.
Although talent is still important factor, other factors impact learning either and it is not a simple process. As mentioned above Economic rewards, intrinsic satisfaction and Social factors must be considered as items that can motivate one for learning.
Hi Solan, if this is a TOEFL essay, if you could include the prompt it would be helpful to me in making sure you addressed it properly. You have some good support for your arguments, but more specific and detailed examples would be helpful. Your topic sentences were not really in the correct format - remember this is an essay, not a Power Point presentation. You have some good vocabulary, but also some awkward sounding phrases and usage errors. Overall, I think I would rate this a 3 out of 5.
This is a homework for essay writing course and it must has the same structure as TOEFL essays. I am weak on writing and need more practice.
There are some provided guides by our teacher like using firstly, Secondly , …!!
I am grateful for the help you provided.
Hi, The problem is not with your Firstly, Secondly, Thirdly, it is with your phrases, like “Firstly economic rewards”. This is not a complete sentence, nor is it a dependent clause. It is just a noun phrase and is not linked correctly to the rest of the sentence.