Earth is being harmed or damaged by human activity or better place to live in?

[Kattie]

Agree or Disagree?
Some people think that the Earth is being harmed or damaged by human activity. Others feel that human activity makes the earth the better place to live.

Today’s advanced technologies have made our life style better. It has affected the earth in many ways. If we look at the bright side of the effects, our life style is better than before. Transportation, communication, accomodation, almost everything is cozy and advance. But it is an undeniable question that it has also affected natural resources in many ways. I agree to the given statement that earth is being harmed by human activity. Following are the reasons to hold my view.

In order to accomodate the growing city, deforestation is done.  Loss of forest affects wild animals, reptiles and many different species. There are many species which are disappeared because of cutting down the trees and expanding cities. We are loosing the serene natural beauty. A small example will give some light to my point. I live in the a country side of boston, Quincy, where all the four side of my house has open land. In the morning, when I wake up, I used to see the sunrise from windows. I used to see deer and peacock around my garden area. Last year, governoment passed the project of new shopping mall. Now, all the trees have been cut down to make the landscape. For new shopping mall un my neighbourhood, I had to compromise the natural view from my house.  

In addition to the effects of deforestaion, pollution is also a major concern. Factories and wide use of chemicals have affected the air and water. Beacuse of that river is polluted and water is not safe in daily use. Last year I was in Surat, a metroplitan city in India, where Sabarmati river passes by my apartment building. Before poor people were using the water in their household chore. Now it is banned as the water is not safe to use without purification. It is polluted because of discarding the excess chemicals from the factories working nearby. 

To put in a nutshell, in order to make our life comforatable and for advanced technologies, we have damaged the natural resources like forest, air and water. Which has greately affected the human life as well as other species. Though now we are aware about the negative effects of our act, but lost resources are difficult to restore. 

OR

The advent of the human activity has its pros and cons. Some might think that the human’s activity or advancement in technology made the world better place to live. However, in my opinion, I believe that human activity has damaged the Earth in several ways.

To begin with, Natural resources are affected in such a extent that it cannot replenish it again by the human activity. Humans has broken the natural ecological cycle by disturbing it. For example, in order to develop industry and build the resident for us, we have snatched the habitats of many birds and animals by cutting the forests. We have built the dams over a flowing river by restricting their flow. We are digging deep in search of ground water rather than restoring the natural resources.

In addition to harm to natural resources, humans have spread many different type of pollutions which made the Earth worst place to live in. For instance, our automobile vehicles have created lots of noise and air pollution which gives an opportunity to green house gases to retain them in to atmosphere. That affected our Earth’s temperature. Our advanced technology in cell phones had created an harmful radiation which affects human health.

To conclude, I strongly agree that Our earth is being harmed by our activity in several ways as I mentioned earlier. Humans are aware with the consequences of it. We need to think seriously on the topic to make the Earth better place to live in.

TOEFL listening discussions: What are the two students doing?

[Luschen]

Hi Kattie, I thought this was an improvement over some of your other recent essays. I especially liked your first body paragraph with its detailed and personal example. I think this is what you should strive for to increase your score. It really showed how you are personally affected by the topic. Your execution was not quite as good as your content though - you had some phrases that sounded a little vague, some word choices that could be improved, and quite a few grammatical errors. Overall, I would rate this a 3.5 out of 5.

Have to go, I will look at your second essay later.

@Kattie

Agree or Disagree?
Some people think that the Earth is being harmed or damaged by human activity. Others feel that human activity makes the earth the better place to live.

Today’s advanced technologies have made our life style better. {“lifestyle better” seems a little vague - maybe “easier” or “more comfortable”?} It has [also] affected the earth in many ways. If we look at the bright side of the effects, our life style is better than before. {this seems overly repetitive} Transportation, communication, accomodation,{“accommodation” usually means temporary accommodation, like a hotel} almost everything is cozy and advance[d ].{“cozy” sounds odd in this context} But it is an undeniable question {this would be a statement, not a question} that it has also affected natural resources in many ways. I agree to[with] the given statement that earth is being harmed by human activity. Following are the reasons to hold my view.{I would just leave out this last sentence}

In order to accomodate the growing city, deforestation is done. {the passive tense sounds a bit odd here}  Loss of forest affects wild animals, reptiles and many different species. There are many species which [s]are[/s] [have] disappeared because of cutting down the trees and expanding cities. We are loosing [losing] the serene natural beauty. A small example will give some light to my point. I live in the[s] a [/s]country side{one word} [outside] of [ B]oston, [in a town called] Quincy, where all the four side[s ] of my house [s]has[/s][face]  open land. In the morning, when I wake up, I used to see the sunrise from [my] windows. I used to see deer and peacock[s ] around my garden area. {really, peacocks?  this seems a bit odd - I guess your neighbors raised them?} Last year, governoment [s]passed the project[/s] [approved the building] of [a ]new shopping mall. Now, all the trees have been cut down to make the [building site][s]landscape[/s]. For new shopping mall un my neighbourhood, I had to compromise the natural view from my house.  {this is a great example!  The details really give a clear picture of how human activity has directly affected you and the extended length really boosts your word count - I would try to emulate this as often as possible}

In addition to the effects of deforestaion, pollution is also a major concern. Factories and wide use of chemicals have affected the air and water. Beacuse of that[, ] river [s are][s] is[/s] polluted and water is not safe [s]in[/s][for] daily use. Last year I was in Surat, a metroplitan city in India, where [the] Sabarmati river passes by my apartment building. Before poor people were using the water in their household chore[s ]. Now [s]it[/s][this] is banned as the water is not safe to use without purification. It is polluted because of discarding the excess chemicals from the factories working nearby. {better to say "polluted because the factories working nearby discharged their excess chemicals into the river."}  {try to extend this example a bit more - how do the people cope now? How do they get their water?  Was the factory punished at all?  Is the hardship mainly born by the poor?}

To put in a nutshell, in order to make our life comforatable and for advanced technologies, {this last phrase is a little vague - why do advanced technologies require damaging the natural resources?} we have damaged the natural resources like [the] forest, air and water[, w]hich has greately affected [s]the[/s] human life as well as other species. Though now we are aware [s]about[/s][of] the negative effects of our act, [s]but [/s] {don't use both "although" and "but" together like this} lost resources are difficult to restore. 

OR

The advent of the human activity has its pros and cons. {this is very vague - what human activity? the advent of this was millions of years ago, right?} Some might think that the human’s activity or advancement in technology {I would add “has” here} made the world better place to live. However, in my opinion, I believe that human activity has damaged the Earth in several ways.

To begin with, Natural resources are affected in such a extent that it cannot replenish it again by the human activity. Humans has broken the natural ecological cycle by disturbing it. For example, in order to develop industry and build the resident for us, we have snatched the habitats of many birds and animals by cutting the forests. We have built the dams over a flowing river by restricting their flow. We are digging deep in search of ground water rather than restoring the natural resources.

In addition to harm to natural resources, humans have spread many different type of pollutions which made the Earth worst place to live in. For instance, our automobile vehicles have created lots of noise and air pollution which gives an opportunity to green house gases to retain them in to atmosphere. That affected our Earth’s temperature. Our advanced technology in cell phones had created an harmful radiation which affects human health.

To conclude, I strongly agree that Our earth is being harmed by our activity in several ways as I mentioned earlier. Humans are aware with the consequences of it. We need to think seriously on the topic to make the Earth better place to live in.

TOEFL listening discussions: What are the two students doing?

[Luschen]

Hi Kattie, I thought this was an improvement over some of your other recent essays. I especially liked your first body paragraph with its detailed and personal example. I think this is what you should strive for to increase your score. It really showed how you are personally affected by the topic. Your execution was not quite as good as your content though - you had some phrases that sounded a little vague, some word choices that could be improved, and quite a few grammatical errors. Overall, I would rate this a 3.5 out of 5.

@Kattie

Agree or Disagree?
Some people think that the Earth is being harmed or damaged by human activity. Others feel that human activity makes the earth the better place to live.

Today’s advanced technologies have made our life style better. {“lifestyle better” seems a little vague - maybe “easier” or “more comfortable”?} It has [also] affected the earth in many ways. If we look at the bright side of the effects, our life style is better than before. {this seems overly repetitive} Transportation, communication, accomodation,{“accommodation” usually means temporary accommodation, like a hotel} almost everything is cozy and advance[d ].{“cozy” sounds odd in this context} But it is an undeniable question {this would be a statement, not a question} that it has also affected natural resources in many ways. I agree to[with] the given statement that earth is being harmed by human activity. Following are the reasons to hold my view.{I would just leave out this last sentence}

In order to accomodate the growing city, deforestation is done. {the passive tense sounds a bit odd here}  Loss of forest affects wild animals, reptiles and many different species. There are many species which [s]are[/s] [have] disappeared because of cutting down the trees and expanding cities. We are loosing [losing] the serene natural beauty. A small example will give some light to my point. I live in the[s] a [/s]country side{one word} [outside] of [ B]oston, [in a town called] Quincy, where all the four side[s ] of my house [s]has[/s][face]  open land. In the morning, when I wake up, I used to see the sunrise from [my] windows. I used to see deer and peacock[s ] around my garden area. {really, peacocks?  this seems a bit odd - I guess your neighbors raised them?} Last year, governoment [s]passed the project[/s] [approved the building] of [a ]new shopping mall. Now, all the trees have been cut down to make the [building site][s]landscape[/s]. For new shopping mall un my neighbourhood, I had to compromise the natural view from my house.  {this is a great example!  The details really give a clear picture of how human activity has directly affected you and the extended length really boosts your word count - I would try to emulate this as often as possible}

In addition to the effects of deforestaion, pollution is also a major concern. Factories and wide use of chemicals have affected the air and water. Beacuse of that[, ] river [s are][s] is[/s] polluted and water is not safe [s]in[/s][for] daily use. Last year I was in Surat, a metroplitan city in India, where [the] Sabarmati river passes by my apartment building. Before poor people were using the water in their household chore[s ]. Now [s]it[/s][this] is banned as the water is not safe to use without purification. It is polluted because of discarding the excess chemicals from the factories working nearby. {better to say "polluted because the factories working nearby discharged their excess chemicals into the river."}  {try to extend this example a bit more - how do the people cope now? How do they get their water?  Was the factory punished at all?  Is the hardship mainly born by the poor?}

To put in a nutshell, in order to make our life comforatable and for advanced technologies, {this last phrase is a little vague - why do advanced technologies require damaging the natural resources?} we have damaged the natural resources like [the] forest, air and water[, w]hich has greately affected [s]the[/s] human life as well as other species. Though now we are aware [s]about[/s][of] the negative effects of our act, [s]but [/s] {don't use both "although" and "but" together like this} lost resources are difficult to restore. 

OR

I didn’t think this essay was as strong - the examples did not seem very well developed, though you still had good reasons. Maybe this one had a few more errors in grammar than your first one also.

The advent of the human activity has its pros and cons. {this is very vague - what human activity? the advent of this was millions of years ago, right?} Some might think that the human’s [human] activity or advancement in technology {I would add “has” here} made the world better place to live. However, in my opinion, I believe that human activity has damaged the Earth in several ways.

To begin with, [ n]atural resources are affected in [to] such a extent that it {what is “it” here? a little unclear} cannot replenish it again by the human activity. Humans ha[ve] broken the natural ecological cycle by disturbing it. For example, in order to develop industry and build the resident[residences] {though this is probably not the best word here} for us, we have snatched the habitats of many birds and animals by cutting [down] the forests. We have built the dams over a flowing river[s, ] by restricting their flow. We are digging deep in search of ground water rather than restoring the natural resources.

In addition to harm[ing] to natural resources, humans have spread many different type[s ] of pollutio[n,] which [have] made the Earth [a] wors[e ] place to live in. For instance, our automobile[s ] vehicles have created lots of noise and air pollution which gives an opportunity to green house gases to retain them in to atmosphere.{this sentence sounds odd - especially the giving carbon dioxide an opportunity part} That affected our Earth’s temperature. Our advanced technology in cell phones ha[s ] created an harmful radiation which affects human health. {these examples seem too scattered - try to develop them a little more deeply}

To conclude, I strongly agree that [ o]ur earth is being harmed by our activity in several ways as I mentioned earlier. Humans are aware with[of] the consequences of it. We need to think seriously on the topic to make the Earth better place to live in.

TOEFL listening discussions: What are the two students doing?