Hello everyone! This is my fifth essay. I’m trying to stick to my promise: 1 essay per day, and i still haven’t broken it ^^ This one, though the question is kind of easy, still takes me more than 2 hours to finish (i wanted it to be just 1 hour but i couldn’t =.="). Please correct it thoroughly, including the outline as well. I’d appreciate it if you can recommend new ideas or a short outline. Thank you very much!
P.S: Thanks to Kitosdad’s corrections, I’ve learnt a lot. Anyway, I’m not really confident about this one. I hope you’ll continue correcting me and supporting me ^^ Thanks again.
Question: “Many people have a close relationship with their pets. These people treat their birds, cats, or other animals as members of their family. In your opinion, are such relationships good? Why or why not? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.”
Outline:
1) Introduction: Thesis: Personally, I approve of such relationships between people and pets.
2) Body paragragh 1: Main idea: Rasing pets as a hobby to release tiredness
As the development of human society Have to work around the clock to make ends meet
Have so many things to worry about
Main cause of stress
However, if in free time: take care of and play with a pet (dog, cat, bird,etc…)
Find it amusing and relaxing
E.g: When I feel tired of studying all day, I play with my dog, troll with it, take it for a walk,etc. I feel more relaxed and refreshed
A good way to release stress
3) Body paragraph 2: Main idea: In some people’s cases: raising pets brings happiness and joy to life
Lonely people (old people): no friends and even no relatives
Living like that doesn’t have any significant meanings to them
In contrast: If they have pets to take care of
Pets are like their only friends or relatives
Help them forget about their loneliness + make them realize that life is still meaningful
Bring them happiness + Encourage them to live
4) Body paragraph 3: Main idea: Raising pets enhance patience and make more gentle
Although pets are not as clever as humans, pets are still living beings
Raising them is like rasing babies A difficult task
Bad personality Cannot raise pets
Without love and patience Cannot raise pets either
When raising pets: need to love them and specially care about them, cannot use violence
Turn owners into gentle and patient people
Conclusion: Although sometimes pets turn your room into a mess, break your favourite vase, or even bite you, they are always your best friends. For all the reasons above, I think it is advisable to have a close relationship with your pets.
My essay:
Nowadays, nearly everyone has ever kept one pet or more. They treat them with special care and consider them friends or even family members. Personally, I approve of such close relationships between people and pets. There are many factors that influence my opinion, and I’d like to put them in the following way.
The main reason for my approval is that rasing pets helps prevent mental pressure and tiredness. As the development of human society, every day people have to work around the clock. They have so many things to care about, which is the main cause of stress. Therefore, it’s advisable for people to play with their pets such as dogs, cats, etc. in their free time. For excample, when I feel tired of studying all day, I usually take my puppy for a walk, which make me feel more refreshed. It’s truly a good way to release stress.
Another aspect is that raising pets brings happiness and joy to people’s life. Some people are very lonely because they have no friends or even relatives so living doesn’t have any significant meanings to them. Therefore, if they have pets around, they’ll think that pets are their only friends in the world. Taking care of pets bring them joy and help them forget about their loneliness. Pets encourage such people to live and make them realize that life is meaningful, which is a difficult thing that even people can’t accomplish.
The last advantage of having pets is that your personality may become better. Although pets can’t speak and are not as clever as humans, they are still living beings. Therefore, raising them properly is not as easy as some people think it is. People who are easy to get upset cannot raise pets, since pets need love and patience. As a result, owners need to love them and cannot use violence. By trying to achive this goal, they gradually become more gentle and patient both towards their pets and other people.
Although sometimes pets turn your room into a mess, break your favourite vase or even bite you, they are always your best friends. For all the reasons above, I think it is sensible to have a close relationship with your pets.
Comment:
TOEFL listening discussions: Why may Martha need money?
Yes, it is true that more complex essays probably attract more credit, but they can also be your undoing if you use just ONE word out of context.