Do you think famous athletes and entertainers deserve high amounts of salaries?

[Kattie]

Some famous athletes and entertainers earn millions of dollars every year.
Do you think these people deserve such high salaries?
Use specific reasons and examples.

Athletes and entertainers achieve their fame and earn millions of dollars because they work hard for many years, dedicate their lives to nation and give fame to their nation. Therefore, I think these people deserve such high wages in form of their success.

First of all, athletes and entertainers dedicate their lives’ many years to reach their goals. Athletes work out a lot to maintain their body. I recently watched a documentary on BBC’s news channel. A documentary was about a boxer who worked around 15 years to reach his goals in international boxing competition. He used to do exercise for 6 hours a day. He used to do part job as a boxer in local competitions as well. And because of his such long work out, he could not able to take care of his family. To reach at his professional goal, he dedicated his personal life. So once they have achieved their goal, they should be paid high to enjoy their life.

IN addition to achieve their goals , athletes and entertainers work hard to fulfill their fans hopes. For instance, last week I was watching Mr. Amitabh Bachhan’s movie, name called-Paa. In that he had to played a role of mentally ill- adult and to perform his role, he had to sit for make up around 6 hours. He is 75- years old actor and it is really difficult for him to sit and to do it every day till the shooting completes.He got famous for his role not only in my county but also in all over the world. However, he worked hard to play his role at the fullest. Therefore, I believe hard work should be paid off.

Lastly, Athletes and entertainers give fame to their nation. Famous entertainers and athletes makes their county to feel proud on them. Sports and entertainment are part of countries culture. They represents their skill at international level.

All in all, I personally think to be famous as an athlete and an entertainer, it takes a lot of efforts of a person. A famous person might have struggled many things and than only he would have reaches at such position. Hence, they should be paid high salaries.

TOEFL listening lectures: What is the professor’s opinion of Ragwort?

[Luschen]

Hi Kattie, I think content-wise your first body paragraph was very good. But your intro and third body paragraph were really very scanty. Your writing was clear and you addressed the prompt well, but you did have quite a few errors in usage and sentence structure. I think this essay would score around the 3.5 level.

@Kattie

Some famous athletes and entertainers earn millions of dollars every year.
Do you think these people deserve such high salaries?
Use specific reasons and examples.

Athletes and entertainers achieve their fame and earn millions of dollars because they work hard for many years, dedicate their lives to [their] nation and give fame to their nation. {“nation” is a bit repetitive here} Therefore, I think these people deserve such high wages in form of their success. {this intro is too short - it is basically just your thesis statement}

First of all, athletes and entertainers dedicate their lives’ many years {“many years of their lives”} to reach their goals. {try to mention high salaries in each of your topic sentences to tie them more closely to the thesis and prompt} {add a transition, like “for instance” or “in particular”} Athletes work out a lot to maintain their bod[ies]. I recently watched a documentary on BBC’s news channel [that]. A documentary was about a boxer who worked around 15 years to reach his goals in international boxing competition. He used to do exercise {or “used to do various exercises”} for 6 hours a day. He used to do part job [work a part-time job] as a boxer in local competitions as well. And because of his such [excessively] long work out, he could[was] not able to take care of his family. To reach at his professional goal, he dedicated [sacrificed] his personal life. So once they[athletes like this] have achieved their goal, they should be paid high[ly] {“be highly paid so they can enjoy their lives” is better - here it sounds like they are being paid in return for enjoying their lifes} to enjoy their lives} {this was an outstanding example. Very detailed and richly developed. This is the type of example you should strive for. Unfortunately, you execution was not quite up to your content, as you had quite a few errors in usage here}

IN addition to achieve their goals , athletes and entertainers work hard to fulfill their fans[‘] hopes. For instance, last week I was watching Mr. Amitabh Bachhan’s movie, name called-Paa. In that{“it” is better} he had to played a role of {“play the role of a” is better} mentally ill-{no hyphen here} adult and to perform his role, he had to sit for make up around 6 hours. He is [a ]75- years {“75-year-old actor”} old actor and it is really difficult for him to sit and to do it{“this” is better here} every day till the shooting completes[is completed].He got famous for his role not only in my county but also in all over the world. However, he worked hard to play his role [to] at the fullest. Therefore, I believe hard work should be paid off. {“paid off” means to finish paying for something, like “my car is all paid off” - here “should be rewarded” is better} {you mentioned "fans’ hopes" in the topic sentence, but did not mention this at all in the actual paragraph, which was a bit odd}

Lastly, Athletes and entertainers give fame to their nation. Famous entertainers and athletes mak[e ] their county to feel proud o[f ] them. Sports and entertainment are part of countries['] culture[s ].{or “part of a country’s culture”} They represen[t ] their skill at {“an” or “the”} international level. {this paragraph is very undeveloped. I think it would be better to focus more on two body paragraphs if you don’t have time to have three really complete body paragraphs}

All in all, I personally think to be famous as an athlete and an entertainer, it takes a lot of efforts of a person.{“effort from a person” sounds more natural here} A famous person might have struggled [with] many things and than only he would have reaches at [only then would he have reached] such [a ]position. Hence, they should be paid high salaries. {you switch from singular to plural here quite abruptly, which sounds a bit awkward}

TOEFL listening lectures: What is the professor’s opinion of Ragwort?