Do you mind me asking/do you mind my asking dilemma

English as a Second Language English Vocabulary, Grammar and Idioms
1

Hi everyone,

I am new on this forum.
Could someone please tell me which form is correct:
do you mind “me” or “my” asking? Personally, I think "me’ is correct but I saw “my” form the other day and I got confused.

Thank you in advance! :slight_smile:

2

Hi NewNyorker and welcome to our forum,

You have to options of expression your idea:

  1. With a relative clause:

Do you mind if I ask?

  1. With a verbal noun (gerund):

Do you mind my asking?

In the second construction you have to use the possessive adjective my because it relates to the verbal noun asking.

Let me know if this makes sense to you.[YSaerTTEW443543]

TOEIC listening, photographs: A family eating dinner[YSaerTTEW443543]

3

Thanks a lot for your response:)

I knew “do you mind if I ask” form before but the other one I overheard and wasn’t sure about the usage. Until now, of course:)

I’ve lived in NY for few months now and I must say surprisingly many native speakers make mistakes.

I like this forum, I’m sure I’ll be visiting it often. It’s well organized and helpful:)

Greetings!

4

Hi Dear Torsten,
You mean we cannot say ‘Do you mind me asking?’ !
I also wonder whether ‘Do you mind if …’ is a relative clause or an adverbial one.
And does "Do you mind if’ mean ‘MAY’ ?
Many thanks,
Morteza

5

Hi Morteza,

There is a very subtle difference between - Do you mind my smoking? and Do you mind me smoking? In the first one it refers to the ‘smoking’ and in the second it refers to ‘me personally’. That said I wouldn’t worry about the difference. You second point: Do you mind if …? is, as you say, another polite way of asking: May I …?

Alan

6

Hi Dear Alan,
I am profoundly grateful to you for your help and encouragement.
Regards,
Morteza