Dear Luschen, sorry for my wrong post's place. Please help to correct this essay

Question: It is generally believed that education is of vital importance to individual development and the well-being of societies. What should education consist of to fulfill both these functions?

It is no doubt education plays a key role in development of any individual or society. Seeing many inadequacies in the quality of present education systems as well as in its failing in contribution to societies’ prosperity, people have questioned about what education should offer to children. Discussed below will give some suggestions in terms of education’s composition.

Firstly, basic knowledge in a broad range of fields is a must. With a good foundation in natural and social science, students will be confident in comprehension the world as well as gaining self-consciousness and self-esteem when discuss topics with their peers and sharing opinions as an essential part in socializing in their later life. In fact, people have taken many actions to protect our planet due to what they have learned from school. Also, it is evident that many people want to learn more about history and be so enthusiastic when they have a chance to talk about their own know-how. They are considered educated no matter what level of education they have accomplished.

In addition to a wide range of knowledge, practical skills have to be highlighted in education curriculum. These days, employers usually complain about the graduates’ lack of working skills such as working on field skill, time management skill; and their insufficiency in their daily duties at work. The blame is mainly on schools because students have spent a long time studying at school before getting a job, but they gain irrelevant skills for their adult’s life. Teaching students how to cook, how to fix a car, and how to update the latest technology and to solve problems efficiently in the information technology era is better preparation for them.

Just the same, for the sake of societies, students should be taught to be good citizens. Not only should students learn about their responsibilities to the living environment but also how to take care of the others, especially the disabled and the elderly are advised to be core values in the syllabus. The more caring and sympathic the children are, the safer and more prosperous the society will be.

Education shapes the future world by all means. Hence, it is a mission to educators and authorities to establish an efficient educational curriculum for development of society as a whole. It would be better if the next generation become knowledgeable, working-proficient and responsible to their community.

TOEFL listening discussions: What problem does the student have?

Hi Rose, you have written a very good essay. I like your details and well-developed body paragraphs. Your vocabulary could be a little more challenging, but all of your words are used correctly. You do have a few errors in article use and preposition choice, as well as a few other mistakes. Overall, I would rate this a 4.5 out of 5.