Could you review my essay and give me a piece of advice about it?

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? In order to become financially responsible adults, children should learn to manage their own money at a young age. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

In contemporary society, it has become an issue of whether getting the knowledge of managing money at a young age to become financially responsible people is right or not. People’s opinions vary from person to person. Some people claim that it is right that children should study how to deal with their money when they are young, however, others hold the opposite view. In my opinion, I would prefer to learn to cope with their own money during their childhood for a couple of reasons.
Firstly, we don’t know how to use our own money wisely if we don’t have any experience. Because we may waste money and we won’t realize it at that moment. It reminds me of an example that matches my idea to the fullest extent. Once my roommate bought a doll with a celebrity signature, which cost all of his living expenses that month. Therefore, he had no money to keep his daily life. This experience taught him the lesson that he should use his money more properly and should not do any impulse shopping.
Additionally, we need time to realize the way to invest. We have to understand every perspective of the investment, or we may lose our money. Because we don’t know whether the investment we make is highly risky or not. And sometimes we need some failure experience to keep us from making mistakes again and lead us to succeed. To illustrate my point, the experience of investing in stocks can be cited as an example. During my freshman year, I invested in medical stocks and I expected the stock price would rise. Nonetheless, it turned out that the stock price fell, and I lost lots of money. But the lucky thing is that I realized the reason why I failed and I kept it in mind. Now I have earned a large amount of money from the stock market.
In conclusion, I believe that children should study how to deal with their own money when they are young. This is because they can learn how to use their money appropriately and because we can have more investment experience.


Try to read your own essay out loud to yourself and/or a friend of yours. What does your text sound like? Is it easy to understand and pleasant to follow? Are your ideas linked together on a logical and cohesive way? Who exactly do you think will read your essay and what do you expect your audience to gain from it?

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