could you please review my essay , thank in advance .

topic: Successful people take new things and take risks rather than the thing that they’ve done well.

As modern society develops, more and more people become aware of finding some useful ways to become a successful man. Some people claim that successful people take new things and take risks rather than the thing that they’ve done well. As far as I am concerned, I definitely agree with this statement.

First of all. Taking new things and taking risks can make people’s character perfect, which can lead to succeed in the future. In order to deal with something new or risky, we have to do some research or ask others for help. For example, I got a marketing task when I was in high school, at that time, I was major in literature, so this task was something new and risky for me. For the purpose of finishing this task perfectly, I went to library searching materials about marketing. I went through all the books on information systems and economic analysis, which raised my personal patience. Also, I asked my professor for help, I found a decent way to communicate with him so that he can give me all the answers to my problem carefully. By doing that task, I learned how to be patient and how to communicate with others.

Secondly. Taking new things and taking risks can help people broaden their horizon, which plays a significant role on our successful way. When I went to library to get some information to finish my task, I read some books about marketing. As I was major in literature, I recharged myself with the knowledge about economics. If I want to write a fiction in the future, I can write some business stories with the knowledge of economics. Maybe one day I will become a famous writer because of those business stories.

Admittedly, the things that people have done well can help us avoid failure. During that process, we will have an access to build confidence. When I went to karaoke with my friends, I always choose one song which I can sing better to show my ability. I sang it over and over again and showed my ability of singing successfully, but my friends got bored. Finally, they did not want to go to karaoke with me anymore. In that case, taking things that we’ve done well is not always a good thing.

To sum up. Taking new things and taking risks can provide a better way for people to succeed.

TOEFL listening lectures: How would the professor most probably categorize Shinto?

Hi, I think your essay is very good. You have a clear structure and I like your counterexample which shows that the view opposite yours is flawed. The constant “take new things” mistake was distracting, but that was not really your fault so I didn’t count it against you. You had a few other awkward sounding phrases and some verb tense errors, but overall, I would rate this a 4 out of 5.