Could you evaluate and give advice on my Toefl essay, please?

Teachers should be paid according to how much their students learn. Give examples to support your opinion

As our world has become more globalized new generations have to be even more well-educated in order to keep pace with innovations, as well as, to contribute to make our world better place to live in. As we know, in this process teachers play crucial role. Personally, I found the idea really unfair, that teachers would be paid according to their students’ performance with the aim of improving education. I feel this way for two reasons, and I will develop these ideas in the subsequent paragraphs.

First of all, if teachers are given money according how well their students learn, probably teachers will demand the children to study more and more, as a result, which will bring about unnecessary pressure on students. Furthermore, they will merely focus on certain topics which are more important to pass tests. My personal experience is compelling example of this. Approximately, 10 years ago, when I was in the nineth grade, our school implemented this system, but this change ended up with failure. Because, teachers became strict with students in order to make sure all of the children learned important topics nearly by heart. This is practically impossible, since students have different learning abilities. Consequently, it created more pressured, tedious and unpleasant atmosphere inside of the class. The system benefited neither students nor teachers.

Secondly, as teachers trying hard to increase their students’ grades with the hope of salary raise they will face some hardships which they cannot alter. Because, effectivness of relationship between students and teachers are influenced by various factors, such as, students’ family situations, learning capabilities, their personal interests and so on. One of my classmate’s experience clarifies this, when this payment system put into action in our school, she had lots of trouble to catch up with the classes. She was a slow learner and her family didn’t care at all to her studies. Although, our teacher made great effort to increase her scores and discussed this situation with her parents several times, it didn’t help any. She was not the only student with such kind of problems, if so, then imagine how would be the teachers’ conditions?!

In a nutshell, I disagree with the opinion that teachers should get salary on the basis of their class results. This is because it will cause unneeded tension and stress between students and teachers. Additionally, some of the factors which affect learning process negatively cannot be changed despite many efforts.

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Hi Guljan, welcome to our forum? What kind of advice do you expect from us? What exactly are you trying to accomplish and why did you join our forum?

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Hello Teacher, thank you for answering me. You are doing great job by helping people like me! I am planning to take the Toefl exam, so I would like to improve my writing skills. If you could review my essay and give some advice on my mistakes, I would really be grateful to you…

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