Could someone rate this TOEFL Writting essay for me? Thanks! The topic is: A teacher’s ability to relate well with students is more important than excellent knowledge of the subject being taught

English as a Second Language Preparation for and help with the TOEFL® Test and
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Hi, I was hoping to know if there’s any grammar mistakes or something that I need to improve!!
Yes, I do love music but it’s just a hobby. I’m actually planning to major in psychology!!
I would be really grateful if you could help me with my writing essay!! Thank you

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