complain in writing or in person

[Nbatruc]

I have written this essay, I think it is a hard topic with me because I don’t have any idea for this. However, please help me check it out. Thank you so much.

“When you need to complain about a product or poor service, which do you prefer to complain in writing or in person”

“Today, industrial services is one of the most popular industry in world’s economy. Everyday, I give and recept services, sometime they are very good, however I also get some bad, then, I often give them a complain in writing by email or facebook. I think this is better than complain in person because I can motive all my thinking.
Firstly, I am not a talkactive person, therefore I will never talk all my complaint to a person in company which have bad products or poor services. When I write an email or a message, I will have chance to let them know all details and which aspect make me not satisfied, then, they will fix their products or make their services better. For instance, in the past, I bought a computer, it often announced errors which I really hated. Thus, I called their service to give someone to my house and check this computer, a man came, checked it very stekchy and said it was alright, he did not listen to me about the errors and leaved. I really angried and hated that kind of service. Therefore, I wrote a letter and sent it to their manager, soon they sent other man came to my house, checked and fixed my computer really carefully. After this situation, I always believe that a complaint in writing is better than in person.
More than that, in my opinion, it takes less time when I write my complaint down. I only take 10 or 15 minutes to write an email or a message in facebook and sent it to company’s service office. In contrast, I have to take a lot of time to make an appoinment, drive to their office, wait to my turn and tell them all my unsatisfaction. Sometime, they send their servicer to my house but it often takes 2 or 3 days, it is really slow in our busy social nowadays.
Finally, I prefer to complain in writng than in person because this way is safer than another. If I take an appointment to a person, I do not know about him, he may be a bad person and hurts me. To carefullly, I often write a complaint and send them, I have not to meet anyone, and I think it is safety. Not only that, I also have time to check their company in internet from some blogs or forumns, maybe there are someone know and comment about them, I will have more information about them and know whether they are good or not.
To conclude, I usually make a complaint in writing rather than in person because this is the best way to me to let them know all details, save time and safe myself. I also make this opion throught my experience with a computer company’s services.”

TOEFL listening discussions: A conversation between a university student and an employee in the student services center

[Luschen]

Hi Nbatruc, I thought your essay was pretty good - it seemed quite long though 0 were you able to write all of this in 30 minutes? I think your content was good, though your safety paragraph did not seem that convincing to me. You have a lot of run-on sentences though. You can’t just string two or three sentences together with commas. Split them up into separate sentences and try to use transition words and phrases to guide your reader through your ideas. You also had quite a few errors in grammar and several sentences that were unclear to me. Overall, I would rate this a 3.5 out of 5.

@Nbatruc

I have written this essay, I think it is a hard topic with me because I don’t have any idea for this. However, please help me check it out. Thank you so much.

“When you need to complain about a product or poor service, which do you prefer to complain in writing or in person”

"Today, industrial services {“industrial services” is unclear to me - what do you mean? } is one of the most popular industr[ies] in [the] world’s economy. Everyday,{two words here, “everyday” is an adjective} I give and rece[ive] services, sometime they are very good, however I also get some bad, then, I often give them a complain[t ] in writing by email or [ F]acebook. {this sentence is a run-on and is too meandering} I think this is better than complain[ing] in person because I can motive all my thinking.{“motive all my thinking” is incorrect - what do you mean?}
Firstly, I am not a talkactive person, therefore I will never [be able to fully state] talk all my complaint[s ] to a person in [a] company which[that] ha[s ] bad products or poor services. When I write an email or a message, I will have [a]chance to let them know all details and which aspect make[s ] me not [dis]satisfied, {new sentence} then, they will fix their products or make their services better. For instance, in the past, I bought a computer [that], it often announced errors[,] which I really hated. Thus, I called their service [line] to give[have them send] someone to my house and check this computer, {new sentence} a man came, checked it very stekchy[superficially] and said it was alright,{semicolon} he did not listen to me about the errors and [left] leaved. I [was] really angr[y ] and hated that kind of service. Therefore, I wrote a letter and sent it to their manager,{new sentence} soon they sent [an]other man came to my house, [who] checked and fixed my computer really carefully. After this situation, I always believe that a complaint in writing is better than in person.
More than that, in my opinion, it takes less time when I write my complaint down. I only take 10 or 15 minutes to write an email or a message in [ F]acebook and sen[d ] it to [a] company’s service office. In contrast, I have to take a lot of time to make an appoinment, drive to their office, wait to my turn and tell them all [about] my {“tell all my <>” needs a countable noun} unsatisfaction. Sometime[s ], they send their servicer{“service person” or “technician”} to my house but it often takes 2 or 3 days, {semicolon} it is really slow in our busy social {social what? social life?} nowadays.
Finally, I prefer to complain in writng [rather] than in person because this way is safer than [the] another. If I take[make] an appointment to[with] a person, I do not know about him,{semicolon} he may be a bad person and hurts [hurt] me. To carefullly, I often write a complaint and send them, I have not to meet anyone, and I think it is safety.{this sentence sounds very awkward - maybe “To be careful, I try to write my complaint and send it. Not having to meet anyone personally is the safer option} Not only that, I also have time to check their company in[on the] internet from some blogs or forumns, {semicolon or new sentence} maybe there are someone [customers who] {or “is someone who knows …”} know and comment about them[. That way, ] I will have more information about them and know whether they are good or not.
To conclude, I usually make a complaint in writing rather than in person because this is the best way to [for] me to let them know all [the] details, save time and safe [keep] myself [safe]. I also make this opion throught my experience with a computer company’s services.”{I would leave out this last sentence}

TOEFL listening discussions: A conversation between a university student and an employee in the student services center

[Nbatruc]

thank you so much. I also get these errors again, I have tried to fix them, however it’s very hard. In fact, the essay takes more than 30 minutes, I know I have to practise do it on time, but I don’t know how to make it shorter.