Hello sir,
Please rate my essay for the TOEFL.
I do not know whether my essay is well organized or not. I wrote about comparison in first two paragraphs and reasons for my answer in the last paragraphs. Let me know it is the right way to write or not. Thank you.
It is generally agreed that society benefits from the work of its members. Compare the contributions of artists to society with the contributions of scientists to society. Which type of contribution do you think is valued more by your society? Give specific reasons to support your answer.
Society is made by people who posses different characteristics, and the work and contributions of these people make their society healthy and alive. Among these people, contributions of artists and scientists are more valuable. Artists keep people’s spirit alive, and scientists impact on their physical life. However, I believe that in my society, scientific contribution is more valuable than the artistic one because scientific research has made people’s lives healthier than before, and discoveries and invention of new equipment has made their lives easier.
To begin with, artists have unique characteristics, which make people more alive. Performing artists fill our life with joy and entertainment. A painter and a writer show us who we are by the pictures and words. Their work makes us emotionally and mentally healthy. For example, I get tired at the end of the day from my work, so I often listen to music in my car on my way back to home. This makes me fresh and energetic when I reach home. Thus, the contribution of artists makes us spiritually alive.
On the other hand, scientific contribution has changed our lives in such a way that we cannot imagine out lives without it. Electricity is a great contribution of scientists. We cannot spend one day without electricity. Furthermore, scientific research in the field of medicine has made our lives healthier than before. We grow more food, cure more diseases and live easy life-style. Thus, contribution of scientists affects our physical life.
In addition, I believe that even though the contribution of artists is important for our mental and emotional health, scientific contribution is valued more by my society. In my society, people give more attention to their physical health, and discoveries of new medicines and vaccines have cured people from the diseases such as chicken pox, measles, polio and malaria. Scientist have found medicine for the ailments such as AIDs and cancers. Scientific contribution has saved many people from dying due to these diseases. Hence, scientists are reworded more by my society.
Last but not least, invention of new equipment has made people’s lives easier than before. We use cars to drive from one place to another, use computers at school and work, and use machines for everyday chores. For example, when my mom comes home from her job, she cooks for us. With the help of the equipment in the kitchen such as an oven, a microwave and a vegetable cutter, she cooks food in half an hour. Thus, scientific invention has increased people’s efficiency to work.
To sum it up, contribution of artists makes us emotionally and mentally healthy, however, my society gives more importance to physical health, and members of the society believes that scientific contribution makes people lives easier and healthier than artistic one. Hence, I believe that contribution of scientist is valued more in my society.
Thank you.
TOEFL listening lectures: A lecture in social science class