I am so grateful for correcting my essay.
Agree/disagree: classmates or colleagues should work on projects in person or by
e-mail
Since beginning of time, human beings have always strived to bring more convenience to their day-to-day lives. As a result they come up with several inventions and discoveries. Some people may hold the view that developing technology has only favorable effect in people’s lives. However, some others may take an opposite viewpoint that the dark sides of the technology should be considered as well. In this regard, people should avoid harmful effects caused by technology. I personally contend that it worth to contemplate the adverse role of technology in team works charily. That is, I believe merits of working in person outweigh its demerits. In the following reasons three conspicuous reasons will cogently illustrate this point of view.
One of the reasons coming to mind at first is that working in person accelerates the process of doing project as talking about the issues will take less time compared with typing them. As an example, consider a case in which one tries to elaborate an issue for his colleagues. When he accounts for his points verbally by looking at them he would be able to convey his knowledge in an appropriate prompt way. Accordingly, no time wastes on type or write subjects in e-mail.
Another equally important point in supporting my idea is that while people have near contact they are able to prevent their colleagues from misunderstanding since they would be able to convey information not only by the words they use but also by the tone of sound and body language. These factors also help people to express their feelings as well. Moreover, working together in person encourages members to work harder as they will be inspired by seeing them working seriously.
Last but not the least, another reason why I agree to work on projects in person is that improving social behavior is one of the most substantial team work’s priorities. The noteworthy intelligible statistics which are revealed by a recent social research conducted in our country, shows that great percentage of students who do their projects in person have better social abilities compared with who communicate with classmates through e-mails. In other words, working in person makes people capable to assert their opinions in a polite and appropriate manner. In contrast, using telecommunications all the time detach them from others and enhance the tendency to be secluded.
To make a long story short based on the aforementioned ideas, one can logically draw the conclusion that everyone should consider not only scientific consequences in the project but also the mental beneficial outcomes. Finally, this is a story in nutshell and there may be some reasons and examples to support my perspective. At the end, it is suggested that a survey be conducted to find more detailed subsequences that are achieved by working in person.
Hi Mandana, not too bad I think. Are you copying ideas from Bestwayy or did you two read a similar guidebook or take the same TOEFL class? In either case, I don’t really care for using memorized sentences like that, but maybe that is what impresses TOEFL graders, I don’t know. You did address the topic correctly and your arguments are good, though more specific examples would be an improvement. Some of your word choices definitely don’t sound that natural and you have some grammatical errors here and there. Overall, I would rate this a 3.5 out of 5.
Hi, “meeting in person” is fine, but “working in person” sounds odd. You can also say “meeting face-to-face”, but “working face-to-face” is unnatural. You can use “working side-by-side”, or “working in the same lab or office”. This does seem to be an area where English is lacking. The French have one word that means a personal meeting between two people: “tête-à-tête”.