Every one tries their best to study hard with the hope of getting a good job with high salary and a comfortable working environment. When I was in high school, I used to be a dreamer. I always wished to had a high position at work with very high pay ans with the adoration of others. But now when I become a mother of two kids, I really love my job as a teacher at a secondary school near my house.
I myself feel so happy to have this job. When I graduated from high school and registed for university, my dad told me to apply for this major because he thought teaching at a school would give me a lot of time to take care of my family. And now I strongly believe that he was right. May be he is mature and he can see through and understand everything clearly. After going to school I come back home and I have a lot of time to play with my kids. I can take tthem out and do a lot of thing that a think a mom of any other jobs can not. They normally start their jobs at 8 oc'clock and not until 5 p.m they have finish their job.
One more reason I really love my job as a teacher as I have a lot of students. Day by day they become my small friends. They will tell me their trouble in life and I help them to deal with them. Moreover, I extremely happy when I spend time helpingg them with a lot of excerise in class and see them make progress every day. I can see their grow up and become successfull people. Can you imagine how happy I am!
The last one, I want to metion here is that working with students help me gain lots of knowledge about children's development and buiding of their character which helps me to change the motheds of teaching not only students at school but also my two kids at home. I can understand their psychology and help them better at studying at school.
As all the reasons I have mentioned above, I am proud of myself as a teacher at a secondary school since I am be able to do a lot of good things that I surely believe other jobs could not bring these benefits to me.
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Hi Tuyet, I enjoyed your essay. You did a great job of convincing me how rewarding a teaching job can be.
Your writing was clear, though your vocabulary was a little too basic. You had an effective format with plenty of specific examples, but your topic sentences could have been better. Here are some additional comments:
[Everyone] tries their best to study hard with the hope of getting a good job with [a ]high salary and a comfortable working environment. When I was in high school, I used to be a dreamer. I always wished to [have] a high position at work with very high pay [and] with the adoration of others. But now when {“now that” sounds more natural here} I [have] become a mother of two kids, I really love my job as a teacher at a secondary school near my house.
I myself feel so happy to have this job. {this topic sentence is not really specific enough. Make sure it gives a reason that is then described in the paragraph. I would go with something like, "To begin, this job provides the flexibility to enjoy my family and devote the time to them that they need. "} When I graduated from high school and [registered] for university, my dad told me to apply for this major because he thought teaching at a school would give me a lot of time to take care of my family. And {some graders don’t like beginning a sentence with a conjunction like “and” or “but”} now I strongly believe that he was right. [Maybe] he [was] mature and he [could] {he may still be these things, but it is best to keep this whole event in past tense} see through and understand everything clearly. After going to school I [have] come back home and I have a lot of time to play with my kids. I can take [them] out and do a lot of [activities] {avoid using “things”, try to come up with a more specific and descriptive word} that [I ] think a mom [with] any other [job] can not. They normally start their jobs at 8 o’clock and [do not get home] until 5 p.m [after] they have [finished work] their job. {or “and do not finish until 5 p.m.”}
One more reason I really love my job as a teacher [is] I have [the chance to help] a lot of students. {once again, this topic sentence as written doesn’t really provide a good reason - besides just having a lot of students, you need to add that you get satisfaction from improving your students’ lives, or that you enjoy learning about and becoming friends with your students, or you enjoy seeing how much your students progress} Day by day they become my small friends. {“small friends” is not an English phrase - I am not sure exactly what you mean} They will tell me their [troubles] in life and I help them to deal with them. Moreover, I extremely happy when I spend time [helping] them with [the many exercises we do] {avoid using “a lot” so much} in class and see them make progress every day. I can see [them] grow up and become [successful] people. Can you imagine how happy I am[?] {even rhetorical questions get a question mark}
[As for my] last [reason], I want to [mention ] here is that working with students [helps] me gain lots of knowledge about children’s development and [the building] of their character[,] which [in turn] helps me to change the [methods] of teaching not only [my] students at school but also my two kids at home. [Through my lessons learned as a teacher, ]I can understand their psychology and help them [do] better at studying at school.
As all the reasons I have mentioned above [illustrate/show/prove/display], I am proud of myself as a teacher at a secondary school[,] since I am be able to [achieve] a lot of good [results.] thatI surely believe other jobs could not bring these benefits to me. {try to avoid one sentence paragraphs - three sentences or more are best, but two are at least better than one}
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