Children punishment wrong and right - ielts task2

[Mtaly]

Thanks for evaluation :

[b]The difference between right and wrong is clear for adults, may be to some extent, unlike childhood stage in which a correction by parents or teachers is required. The correction includes advices or punishment as a part of behavioral direction towards correct actions.

   If we took the punishment part, we should know how to utilize it with maximum benefits to children not to harm them. Children don’t know the result of their actions whether those actions are right or wrong . It is parent’s responsibilities to guide them softly and hardly.


   The hard part includes the punishment. In low educated areas, physical punishment is being used. This type of punishment considered as a sort of violence towards the child and has a great impact on his or her personality, thinking and life quality.

         On other hand, In well educated society , punishment has different ways like preventing the child from playing with friends, watching TV or buying his favorite sweets. This type of punishment should be translated by the child to : I am not allowed to buy sweet because I haven’t finished my homework or duties as an example.

   This sort of punishment is good and considered a proper way to treat the undesired behavior of children either in home or school. Further more, there should be a cooperation between both school and home to manage different types of punishment used.


 I believe from my own experience that properly utilized psychological punishment to children is better than physical punishment which is not accepted at all.

In conclusion, there is always be a correct and incorrect actions by children. Punishment is one tool to teach the children the difference between the correct and incorrect behaviors. This tool has a great impact positively or negatively on child behavior and thinking, so it is your responsibility as a parent or teacher when you use this tool.
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TOEFL listening discussions: What started this conversation?

[Luschen]

Hi Mtaly, welcome to the forum - or rather, welcome back! I think your writing is pretty good, but in my opinion this essay lacked a clear and coherent structure. It starts with your lack of a clear thesis statement. It is best to put the thesis statement at the end of your introductory paragraph, but all I see is “The correction includes advice or punishment as a part of behavioral direction towards correct actions.” This doesn’t really tell me what your viewpoint of the subject is or what the main focus of the essay is going to be. From there, the rest of your essay seems to meander a little; also I would try to avoid the very short paragraphs you used in some instances. As I said, your writing itself is not bad, although you do have a few errors in article use and word choice. Overall, I think I would rate this one a band 6.

@Mtaly

Thanks for evaluation :

[b]The difference between right and wrong is clear for adults, may be{one word here} to some extent, {this is a bit confusing, as your first statement seems quite definitive, but then you change it significantly with this second phrase} unlike [the] childhood stage in which a correction by parents or teachers is required. The correction includes advic[e ] {advice is non-countable singular} or punishment as a part of behavioral direction towards correct actions.

   If we took the punishment part, we should know how to utilize it with maximum benefits to children not to harm them. {this is a bit confusing, as it seems to be saying that taking the punishment part is key to knowing how to utilize it - maybe "To begin, taking the punishment aspect, we need to know how to utilizes it ..."} Children don’t {avoid contractions} know the result of their actions whether those actions are right or wrong . It is [the] parent’s responsibilit[y ] to guide them softly and hardly.{"softly and hardly" is a bit confusing, especially since "hardly" often means "not much at all"}


   The hard part includes the punishment. In low educated areas, {"in areas of the world with low levels of education" is more clear} physical punishment is being used. This type of punishment {"is" or "should be"} considered as a sort of violence towards the child and has a great impact on his or her personality, thinking and life quality.

         On other hand, [ i]n [a ]well educated society , punishment [s]has[/s][is enforced in] different ways like preventing the child from playing with friends, watching TV or buying his favorite sweets. This type of punishment should be translated by the child to[, "]I am not allowed to buy sweet[s ] because I haven’t finished my homework or duties["] as an example.

   This sort of punishment is good and considered a proper way to treat the undesired behavior of children[,] either in home or school. Further more,{one word} there should be a cooperation between both school and home to manage [the] different types of punishment used.


 I believe from my own experience that properly utilized psychological punishment [of] [s]to[/s] children is better than physical punishment which is not accept[able] at all.

In conclusion, there is[will] always be a correct and incorrect actions by children. Punishment is one tool to teach the children the difference between the correct and incorrect behaviors. This tool has a great impact positively or negatively on child behavior and thinking, so it is your responsibility as a parent or teacher [to think carefully] when you use this tool.
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TOEFL listening discussions: What started this conversation?

[Mtaly]

Thanks, Luschen
I will try to improve my writing skills.

Thanks again