Check for my SAT essay

English as a Second Language Preparation forum for the SAT® Test
1

This is my SAT essay, please check for me please!!!

Genius is one percent inspiration, and ninety-nine percent perspiration.- Thomas Alva Edison.
Assignment: The statement above implies that effort is of greater importance than creativity in achieving success. Write an essay supporting, disputing or qualifying the statement. You may use examples from history, literature, popular culture, current events, or personal experience to support your position.

Thomas Edison is a famous investors in the 19th century. He has done many wonderful things during his life for our human’s period. One of his famous quotation is “Genius is one percent inspiration, and ninety nine percent perspiration”. Therefore, I think his opinion is right.
In my life, I have met many people that have bad financial situation. They lost their parents and they need to live by themselves. Although they have no food, drinks, expensive accommodation, they still find works for wages. Everyday, they work hard and they become richer. Inspiration and perspiration have different meanings. Some people think inspiration will create the perspiration but some people think perspiration create inspiration. About me, perspiration creates inspiration. If we have good perspiration for a long time and we practice it everyday, we will create the inspiration. Inspiration is not in your mind automatically. It appears when we have suffered over a period of doing something and studying something. Thomas Edison used to be a stupid student in his class when he was in primary school. Then he rejected going to school and became an employee in a newspaper company. Everyday at night, he was always sitting near the train station. Finally, he understood one thing for inventing the electricity in the future.
To sum up, inspiration and perspiration always come along together in human’s life. Perspiration will always create the inspiration firstly and then becomes the genius.

2

Hi, I am not an English teacher, but as a native English speaker I will be happy to make a few suggestions for your essay.

3

Thanks very much. When I read this essay the second time, I feel that it does not relate to the topic well, don’t I?

4

In my life, I have met many people that[who] have[are in a] bad financial situation.
I think I need to discuss with you about this sentence. In my opinion, I think ‘who’ will be used with singular noun like Mr Green or a person. The plural like people or animal will be used with ‘that’.

5

Next time, can you use the red color for my mistake, please? Thanks.

6

No, who can be both plural and singular and is always used when referring to people. If we change the sentence around a little:

“Who are the people in a bad financial situation?” is correct

“That are the people in a bad financial situation?” in NOT correct

7

I think it could have related a little better. Your main point was that hard work will lead to inspiration. I think a more important factor is that even if you have much inspiration, your ideas will never come to reality without a lot of hard work. You may be “inspired” to learn English, but unless you read the books and practice writing essays, your inspiration will be worthless.

8

Hey, I have sent to you my private message, do you have facebook? It would be more interesting when I know you on facebook. Thanks a lot for your help. I do not remmember the quotation from Edison that if we do not try hard to practice things that we have learn, we will drop down the inspiration from our mind.

9

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