changes that make your hometown more appealing

[Bjeddi]

What changes would make your hometown more appealing to people your ages?

Just like the other people in the world I love my hometown, because I was born, grown up and have lots of relatives and friends there. Most importantly, many of my pleasant memories in life relates to my childhood in this city. However some people my age would say that they do not like their hometowns as much as I do, as they see other cities in the country and compare it with theirs in terms of recreational centers, job opportunities and public transportation system. Thus, I think some changes are required to be made to make this city more attractive to these people.

First, building a new place for youths to spend their spare times is an urgent need of my hometown. Young people desire a site to hang out with their friends and enjoy their free times, but the only option available for them is a small park that was built many years ago. Thus, if a new center, such as a new park or cinema, would be built they will have more options for spending their leisure times; consequently it makes them more interested in their hometowns.

Second, the public transportation system of my hometown has to be modified to make it more convenient and faster. Existing public buses are very old and are not enough to cope with the current population of the city. This has made some problems for residents of city, particularly young people, since they have to spend a lot of time waiting for a bus to arrive. In addition, they are very slow and so crowded that you would not find enough oxygen to breathe. Therefore, increasing the quality of public transportation system by adding new buses to the existing ones is another strategy to appeal the people in my age.

Finally, new job opportunities are needed to be created in my hometown. Increasing unemployment rate, and as a result, progressive number of jobless young people is another serious problem in my hometown. These days, those who fail to find a job have to migrate to neighboring cities in search of a proper work. One side effect of this phenomenon is that the amount of young individuals in city is decreasing sharply. In this regard, constructing new factories, which could provide new job opportunities and employ many of youths as workers, would be one technique to address this problem and hinder this trend of migration.

To sum up, there are some immediate measures that should be taken to make my hometown more appealing for young people. I hope that all of these changes could result in a better condition for youths to live and lead them to like their hometowns more than before.

TOEFL listening discussions: A conversation between a university professor and a student in the professor’s office

[Luschen]

Hi Bjeddi, I swear I already corrected this essay, but maybe I forgot to post it. Anyway, I thought this was a very good effort. Your content is excellent, with good support and detailed examples. You do have some grammatical errors though and overall, your vocabulary does not seem that challenging. Overall, I would rate this a 4 out of 5.

@Bjeddi

What changes would make your hometown more appealing to people your ages?

Just like the [many] other people in the world[,] I love my hometown, because I was born, gr[ew] up and have lots of relatives and friends there. Most importantly, many of my pleasant memories in life relates[relate] to my childhood in this city. However some people my age would say that they do not like their hometowns as much as I do, as they see other cities in the country and compare it[them] with theirs in terms of recreational centers, job opportunities and public transportation system. Thus, I think some changes are required to be made to make this city more attractive to these people.

First, building a new place for youths to spend their spare times is an urgent need of my hometown. Young people desire a site to hang out with their friends and enjoy their free times[time], but the only option available for them is a small park that was built many years ago. Thus, if a new center, such as a new park or cinema, would be built they will have more options for spending their leisure times[time]; consequently it makes [would make] them more interested in their hometowns.

Second, the public transportation system of my hometown has to be modified to make it more convenient and faster. Existing public buses are very old and are not [numerous] enough to cope with the current population of the city. This has made some problems for residents of city, particularly young people, since they have to spend a lot of time waiting for a bus to arrive. In addition, they are very slow and so crowded that you would not [barely] find enough oxygen to breathe. Therefore, increasing the quality of public transportation system[s ] by adding new buses to the existing ones is another strategy to appeal [to] the people in my age. {or “in my age bracket”}

Finally, new job opportunities are needed [need] to be created in my hometown. [The] Increasing unemployment rate, and as a result, [the] progressive {“progressive” has a positive connotation, so it sounds odd here - maybe “ever-increasing”} number of jobless young people is another serious problem in my hometown. These days, those who fail to find a job have to migrate to neighboring cities in search of a proper work. One side effect of this phenomenon is that the amount [number] of young individuals in city is decreasing sharply. In this regard, constructing new factories, which could provide new job opportunities and employ many of youths as workers, would be one technique to address this problem and hinder {“hinder” sounds a little odd here} this trend of migration.

To sum up, there are some immediate measures that should be taken to make my hometown more appealing for young people. I hope that all of these changes could result in a better condition for youths to live {“better condition for youths to live” sound a little awkward} and lead them to like their hometowns more than before.

TOEFL listening discussions: A conversation between a university professor and a student in the professor’s office