Can you please review my essay?

Question: In some organizations, promotions are based on seniority, while in other organizations, promotions are based on performance. Discuss the advantages of each position. Then indicate which position is you think is best and why.

Promotions are very complicated to be made. They genarally depend on the type of business of the company and the employee structure. To be senior means to have experience, which in turn means that the person is better in every work aspect, he also leaves better impression than young man and at some point senior employees can be only managers. On the contrary, performance represents the actual ability of a person, these people, in fact, make more money for the company and they can motivate their colleagues with thier enthusiasm. On which one should we rely when promoting?

Clearly seniority is very valuable. Most jobs can be represented by a cycle, which repeats it self. Therefore, senior employees, or in other words the experienced ones, are better in every aspect of work. Moreover, their age reflects maturity. Something essential when talking about ways to persuade people around you. Last, there are jobs in which after a certain age the employee can only be a manager. For example, a life-insurance agent. After giving his heart for the company, the employee reaches a limit. He can no longer make good deals but he has perfect knowledge of the insurance process. Many companies offer these employees manager positions, in order to thank them and to use their positive sides.

On the other hand, performance is what represents the actual ability of a person. No matter the age, if you are too confident, you can easily start working in a wrong way. The state of the performance is what shows, whether an employees is good or not. Also, those people who have high performance are those who make profit for their company. No one can deny that in our time, today, money is the most important business aspect. Furthermore, an employee who is showing good results can easily motivate people around him. Motivation is the engine of a work group. All methods of improving it must be supported.

It is very difficult for me to state which one is best. It really depends on the business area. As I gave an example, if we talk about life-insurance, seniority is much more essential when promoting someone. But, in areas like engineering, medical services etc. people can’t rely on experience only. In those cases, performance is more important.

If we want to find the answer to this question, we have to identify factors like: the type of business of the company examined, the employee structure and many others. Without this information there is no correct answer.

TOEFL listening discussions: A conversation between a student and an HR interviewer

Hi, pretty good writing, only a few grammatical errors. You structure is good, but I really did not understand many of your points in paragraph 2. Maybe it is cultural. I would rate your essay a 3.5 out of 5, but maybe I am biased because I disagree with some of your conclusions.